Panettone: Take Two

Fuck panettone. I am done.*

*until I can take Italian Baking and not end up wasting 11 egg yolks and so much precious butter, not to mention waking up early two days in a row. I’ll say it again: fuck panettone.

**I followed the directions, I proofed at the correct temperature, I weighed everything exactly. I used a different, more clear recipe. I really have no idea where I went wrong. Fuck sourdough.~

~I am now mad at sourdough as a whole. The first recipe I had used years ago? The author recently announced he is improving it and making it better. Like hell if I am falling for that shit again. I have a backup recipe and if that fails: fuck sourdough~~

~~Until I can take the Sourdough class. Then maybe I can come back around to trying it again. Not worth risking an early wakeup for shit-all.

 

Is It Possible to Jinx A New Year’s Resolution?

Here we are, almost one month into: get better at bread. And my success/fail rate is dismal. Out of 4 loaves, only 2 worked out. And one of those was a re-do of the fail. My first sourdough boule with this new starter (I had used this same recipe years ago and started out great and then each successive loaf got worse and worse and I gave up after the third) is not looking good. I followed the recipe, being oh-so-careful. I used my fancy proofer on the lowest setting, a balmy 70F…not accounting for the cooler temp of the basement. And not reading the proofer guidelines on best temps for what you’re doing. I was just so focused on “room temp” and not going over. Didn’t really see it coming that in the end I was underproofing. I had shaped the perfect boule… and then I kept going and broke the tension. Just before baking I tried to reshape it after it had flattened out. No dice. Nothing will stop it spreading like the horrible blob it is. It’s not even done and already I am planning my backup. At least I know where I went wrong. Now I just need another full day off to try again.

I also tried doing a sourdough discard with added yeast cinnamon raisin loaf. Should’ve read the comments. Lots of people complaining. But also this was using active yeast, I, for whatever reason, had opted for that instead of the instant active I had been using since I started. Why. No one knows. Was it part of the reason for the mess up? My distraught self says yes. Yes it was. That, and King Arthur recipes are hit or miss, 50-50, so maybe a touch of that as well.

I spent an afternoon researching panettone recipes and techniques. Checked my calendar for a block of days off, hello Easter weekend. Except now I am filled with doubt. Based on January’s fails is it even worth it?

 

2023 Cookie Showdown

A week late, but we finally had the cookie showdown last weekend (of course it took me a whole week more just to post) and here are the results!

Worst to best: pistachio (top right, texture is bleh, even with pistachio extract flavour is blah), Linzer (top left, they’re better when eaten fresh the day they’re made, so they do have that going against them, would’ve ranked higher), in an odd turn of events: chocolate shortbread, white chocolate cranberry (am I getting old??), ginger, cardamom shortbread. I didn’t foresee the chocolate shortbread getting knocked down a peg, but when eaten side by side with the cardamom?!? Hoooboi!!! The chocolate detracts from it and I have better chocolate Christmas cookie recipes. Can’t beat those ginger cookies, my go-to recipe.

 

Happy New Bread!

Where to even begin? There was the whole panettone debacle (see last post, also turns out I did not bother following the tip I had found out the previous year, so much for the whole “note to self”: I am going to try chilling the dough for 12 hours before shaping and proofing. HAH. Didn’t happen).

We spent Christmas apart. Boxing Day I woke up at 8am, ordered from LUSH (from bed, ah luxury) and went right back to sleep. I felt an illness coming on. I struggled that day. My grand Christmas dinner plans were put on the back burner. I just barely managed to cook the turkey breast and potatoes. Elaborate gingerbread cake would have to wait. German potato salad? Doubtful. Bonus sugar cookies? Nope. By Wednesday I was all consumed by some horrid virus. I lost my voice and felt awful, Brent stayed an extra night in Newmarket, far far away from me. At this point my brain was mush, I had resorted to watching animated movies like Shrek and Madagascar, I couldn’t handle anything beyond that. Brent came home and the next day mentioned he thought he might be getting sick, had I really gotten him? I suggested a COVID test. Mine had been negative but still best to check. It was. He had COVID. Everyone from Newmarket, one by one they all replied yes. Days later, and I am still: sicker than Brent and don’t have COVID. ♫ I’m still standing, yeah yeah yeah ♫

2023: did I succeed (other than the panettone)? The goal was flavour-city. I’d say, it was a resounding yes! (See: epic baseball cake and epic Easter cake, and strawberry nanaimo bars). Not everything was a success (Bailey’s is best left for drinking, or maybe a last minute no-bake mix-in) but I had fun. Yes, so my macarons were kind of enormous. Not my fault: I was going to use the Wilton mat until I read about how awful it was. I used it for size guidance when tracing on parchment and OOPS. I learned the hardway: macarons do not scale well. For eating. It’s just too much. But they’re not actually that scary to make!! Much less intimidating (I had taken a class years ago and then avoided them, too scary). And now I know for next time: make them smaller. And yes, there WILL be macarons in 2024, I have so many egg whites in the freezer from that (should this be a game? take a shot every time I say it?) PANETTONE. My sourdough starter is still going, I think? I have switched over to cold storage and am waiting for two days off in a row (when I’m not fighting for my life, every sentence or laughter sending me into a coughing fit wherein I legitimately wonder if I have torn something in my throat, is it possible to choke and die on coughing up congestion?! can vertigo make you fall down?!) to attempt a sourdough boule. (Thanks secret santa for the banneton, how did you know?). New year, new bag of flour. New year, new classes: I’m going over to the dark side! I start Culinary 1 and open up a whole new set of classes for my one day off. Will Pies get cancelled again? Probably.

So what’s in store for 2024? <– haha, it rhymes. BREAD. BREAD. BREAD. More Bread. I will get better at bread. Or at least try. Late last autumn, after pizza school, I bought a small portable wood-fired oven. Perfect for a Canadian winter. I had just enough time to test bake pita (it was ok) before it was too cold for anything else. I also got on sale an automatic proofing box. Goodbye inexactitude, hello precision! I was supposed to bake a roasted garlic boule for New Years with my family. I got as far as roasting the garlic (yay! finally got to use my cocotte!) and had to give up. My poor body, my poor brain, this fucking virus fucked me up and then some. I could not handle baking a loaf of bread, especially with such high stakes (garlic kills yeast!!! HOW WILL THIS EVEN WORK????). So for now I am eating the last dregs of bread from the freezer (I finally got a Too Good to Go order from Eataly and got a LOT of bread, some stale, now chopped up in my freezer in a bag just ~waiting~ to get turned into bread pudding, there may be a LOT of bread pudding in 2024 depending on how things go, *fingers crossed* that is not the case).

Great cookie showdown? On pause until we are both feeling better and can be in the same room together.

A go-to holiday recipe collection? I got a notebook from Dollarama, now I just have to review what makes the final cut. Then print a bunch of labels and shit using the Cricut I bought on impulse. IS THIS ALSO GOING TO BE THE YEAR OF THE PANTRY & RECIPE COLLECTION MAKEOVER?!?! WILL I EVER FEEL 100% BETTER?!? CAN I LAUGH AGAIN?!?! (without hacking up a lung?).

Aprons on! Rudy sous chef at the ready!

 

Panettone to Pinka: GET F*CKED

I had it in my head to make a traditional (read: labour-intensive and complicated) panettone. Yes I had made one using the ATK recipe but that one was hit or miss. And looking back at it now, the crumb was not right any of the times I made that one.

This project had to start way back in Sept. and then got bumped to Oct. It was too hot in my house in Sept., or so I assumed based on the lovely mold growing on my sourdough starter I had just started. Except Oct. brought the same. I started experimenting: tap water, filtered water, this flour, that flour. I was at my wits end. By try 10+ I finally figured it out: ignore the directions of feed every 24hrs and feed every 12 until it establishes itself. Voila! Elevenses was born. No more blue mold. Just a healthy-ish starter?

Closer to panettone time I made an offshoot starter, 3x as big in preparation. So now I was drowning in discard. And so many dishes. Turns out it was all for naught. I did only a half batch of the recipe: 1/2tbsp of starter. I had a jarful. Why did I do half? Because if I did whole I’d be using 20 egg yolks total, leaving me with 20 egg whites to do god knows what with. Because for ~whatever~ reason, cartons of egg yolks are only sold in bulk to the restaurant industry (and yes, I seriously considered going to staff I know at GBC and asking for a hook up). I couldn’t justify that, especially knowing that panettone was a ridiculously hard thing to bake. I couldn’t risk the rage. Also: what am I going to do with 4 large panettones?!

Things seemed to be going ok. A few weeks prior I had chanced upon the idea of using a seedling heat mat for sourdough starter, given my kitchen only goes above 18C in the summer. I was on schedule, I did have some minor confusion on making a stiff starter, King Arthur helped out by telling me you need to knead the shaggy dough. That was day 1. Yes, I took vacation time to attempt this behemoth.

Day 2: briefly thought I had messed up the feedings of the stiff starter when I realized I’d be waking up at 7am on Day 3.

Day 2 evening: made the first dough and hit a snag. Proof it for 2hrs at 28C?! What in the actual f*ck. I put it on the seedling mat, placed a deep tray over top to create a pseudo-proofing box and hoped to god it was warm enough. Not that the recipe gave any instruction as to how to know it was done, it just said 2hrs. No, “double in size”, or “dent springs back”. Nothing. After that it went into the downstairs oven with the light on to proof 8-10hrs. I was hoping for 10. Because my stupid brain made the schedule assuming my house is on the colder side, so 10hrs would be a 9am wake up and I wouldn’t be baking late at night on Day 3. No luck, I had created a nice “room temperature” (god forbid the recipe give me specifics here, suddenly dropping the precision). Good thing I had read ahead to Day 3. Turns out the dried fruit and peels needed to be chopped. I would have been so pissed had I woken up and realized that now I gotta chop all these things while risking overproofing?! Fuck.

Day 3: 7am, not happy. Goddammit. Dough seems to be done proofing. Time to make the second dough. The recipe says “and add the water”. What water? No water is listed in the ingredients. No other recipes have water in second dough. The dough does NOT need it. In fact, it seems to need more flour so I add a pinch. This dough is sticky and just blobs onto the tray. A 20 minute rest for the dough = 20 minutes attempted sleep for me. Then it says to “butter” your hands?! I swear, the first time I read the recipe it said “flour” maybe my brain had filled it in? There is no way on god’s green earth I can shape this into a tight ball. I just plop it into the pan and hope for the best. I had a 7in panettone pan and a 9in cake pan. Note: I was missing paper liners, didn’t figure this out until it was far too late. Did the recipe specify pan size? Of course not. What the fuck is a medium pan?

Back to bed during the 5-10hrs rise. I slept a little, woke up and set off on errands. I had to race back home, debated taking a ride. Got home with 3 minutes to spare before 5hr rise. For naught. It was looking closer to a 10hr rise. The dough still had a loooooong way to go to be just under the tip of the tin. At around 7hrs things were not looking great. I added a tray of hot water to heat up the oven incubator. I was at maybe 20C? 22C with the water. HOW DO YOU GET IT TO 28C?! It’s impossible!!! After 10hrs I gave up, I didn’t want to go further than recipe stated. It had grown in size, more than double. So I baked it, immediately realizing I forgot to slash the tops. What did it matter at this point.

About 55 minutes later (10 minutes more than the max 45) I had two discs of NOT-panettone. It was more like a pandolce. Days later it still sits in a container on my counter. It is fully cooked (200C internal) but I don’t know if it’s good.

What did I learn?

1. I need a new recipe. Will try Natasha’s Kitchen version next
2. Apparently panettone is also an Easter bread. Will try. Why not.
3. There are calculators out there to tell you exactly how much dough per pan. Turns out for my 7in panettone pan I should have had about 1050gr, NOT the 750gr from the recipe. I’d be waiting eons for it to rise to rim.
4. Panettone might be a summer bread
5. I think I need a proofing box, I had this lack of exactitude.
6. Maybe the fat content of the butter had an effect? Will experiment with higher fat content butter next time
7. YES. there WILL be a next time
8. Hopefully my sourdough starter will get stronger in the meantime (apparently some people start their stiff starter a year in advance? but god forbid someone write a comprehensive how-to-panettone guide)

UPDATE: immediately went out and bought a proofer after watching a video. GAME CHANGER?!
    had a bit of the pandolce. A little dense but sooo buttery and good that I can forgive that

 

Oregon Coast Is Underrated- Day 9

Thurs. Sept 14, 2023 Portland, OR to home!!

I slept so poorly. The room was noisy and the clock was too bright. I somehow still felt surprisingly good when I woke up, which is amazing given how much wine I had consumed the previous day. Not even a trace of a headache. I grabbed a coffee from the hotel. The Stumptown coffee was ok. I also grabbed a chocolate croissant and a pear-filled pastry. I was not impressed with these two. We walked north to see the other Simpsons streets. We had seen Flanders yesterday. Today we were in search of Lovejoy and Kearney. We went to Ovation Coffee because it was highly rated. I had a Moroccan espresso pistachio latte.

We still had time to kill, it was barely 8am. We walked to Washington Park, another top Portland attraction. On the way we passed a boutique that had a really cute dinosaur dress and a skirt with pockets but they weren’t open yet. Turns out we had walked right by the previous day, albeit on the other side of the street. It was a very nice park. We walked through the International Test Rose Garden where they try to preserve as many varieties of roses as possible. It raised my rating of Portland a smidge. Back in the hotel room we still had time. Rather than going to the airport super early or sitting around the hotel room we walked to what I think was the original location of Voodoo Doughnuts? We walked by Chinatown and saw the archway. It got sketchy really fast. About one block away from the hotel, it had changed drastically. At Voodoo they only allowed one group in at a time, and there was a security guard posted by the door. This time we got the Memphis, a fritter, completing our tasting of all their base options. It was HUGE. It was topped with peanut butter, chocolate, chopped peanuts and chocolate chips. It was pretty good but now I can confidently say my ranking is: yeasted, cake, fritter. We walked one block north into Chinatown but there wasn’t much to see, we went back to the hotel. It was time to get to the airport and get home to Rudy. It was wild to me that we would be home after midnight when it was barely even noon. Apparently the rest of the day was so insignificant that I didn’t write about it.

 

Oregon Coast Is Underrated- Day 8

Wed. Sept 13, 2023 Newberg to Portland, OR

I woke up at 7:30ish, I had not slept well. I had been woken up by the stench of my armpit?! We drove down the street to From Russia With Coffee. I was finally going to have a coffee from one of those teeny tiny drive-thrus. I had seen so many but it was never easy to get to. I ordered the Snickers latte, it was ok, kind of smelled better than it tasted. At the gas station next door, I got strawberries and cream Dr Pepper and rice krispie square flavoured M&Ms. Both were awful. Thankfully I had also gotten a birthday cake Kit Kat and most stuf Oreos. Once again we found ourselves killing time in the hotel room, this time we were waiting for the wineries to open at 11am. I was reading my book but I soon got distracted by looking for any new tips on Reddit on the stupid elusive panthers in RDR2. I had somehow gotten re-obsessed with it?! Who knew that was a thing?? I blame the nature of Oregon. I also looked up when Jeopardy! is back, it had come back on Monday! Ack! Thankfully the episodes were all still up on YouTube so we caught up. I gave up on my book and got another one (gotta love ebooks, total vacation game-changer). I opted for a non-fiction title about the heart called Pump.

At Argyle Brewery we were greeted by a black and white cat, fittingly named Oreo. He was very meowy and kept rubbing against the wooden wall. It was so damn cute. I didn’t have much time to browse the menu, having been distracted. I panicked and ordered a glass of Nuthouse chardonnay and a Spirit pinot noir. Apparently, the latter was a brand-new offering. The owner told us about the wines and how they were grown. He was a very nice guy. Meanwhile the cat was stalking around and finally settled in a chair at the next table.

Sadly, there was no cat at Ponzi Winery. Brent didn’t have a second, he had to drive. At first it was unclear if they only sold bottles, but at the bar there was a by-the-glass menu. As we sat on the patio, looking at the vineyard and the bachelorette party, we debated ordering the baguette with lavender butter but by the time the lady came by I was done the wine. I had the 2017 Friends —— (something? I didn’t write a note to myself and couldn’t remember) pinot noir. It was better than Argyle. We also purchased a bottle of Riesling for later. I was sad to see that it was a screw-top. No wonder it was the cheapest bottle. In my defense, we hadn’t tried an Oregon Riesling (only pinot noir and chardonnay). From the highway we could see the vines. Both wineries were actively harvesting. At Argyle they had a sign telling you what grapes were being picked that day (it was pinot noir and chardonnay). At Ponzi they just had a sign to be careful when driving.

At this point I’d had two glasses of wine before noon. Hooboi. It’s no surprise I fell asleep in the car. I awoke right as we pulled into the Trader Joe’s parking lot in Portland. I grabbed more seasonings for my stockpile. We left the car and walked over to Scottie’s Pizza Parlour (as recommended in the Toronto Star) for lunch. I needed food. We had a grandma slice which was square with white sauce and onion and soft cheese. And a slice of the #1 award-winning pizza: basil & Parmesan. Along with a side of garlic knots. I didn’t even miss not having pepperoni. We walked over to Blue Star Donuts for dessert. Another newspaper recommendation. It was a slightly different donut, a brioche-style. We had a chocolate ganache and almond covered one that was pretty good. The raspberry bergamot old fashioned was not good. It had absorbed too much oil in frying. Nowhere near as good as Voodoo Doughnuts. Not even close. On the way back we stopped at Dutch Bros coffee so I could refuel. It was necessary. I was glad it wasn’t just a drive-thru kiosk, I 100% would have walked through regardless. I ordered a refresher drink this time, opting not to tempt fate with my finicky stomach. It was Rebel energy drink mixed with seltzer and strawberry and pomegranate syrups. It was perfect and similar to one of my favourite drinks from Second Cup.

We drove to the hotel and unpacked quickly. We had to run back down and drive the car to a nearby parking garage a few blocks away. On the way back to the hotel we stopped at Madewell and Anthropologie but I had no shopping luck. We also popped into Powell’s Books because it was one of the popular Portland attractions. Brent ended up finding his next read in the used book section and I got a magnet as a thank-you-souvenir for my sister for cat and garden care. I chugged the rest of my refresher back in the hotel but I was still craving refreshment. I was fighting the tiredness so hard. But I still needed to pack, we were flying out the next day and I had accrued a lot of stuff- groceries really- over the course of our trip. We watched Jeopardy! on YouTube and sipped Riesling. It was ok but you could tell it’s one of their lesser wines. Again, the screw topo should have been the obvious clue.

We had an early 5pm dinner at Deschutes Brewery. I had a glass of the Deschutes wayfarer cider made with Oregon apples. It was listed as “Teku only”, apparently that refers to the glassware? Who cares? Regardless, it was delicious. We were both still pretty full from earlier, so we ordered a charcuterie board. Womp womp. The best item on the board was the butte-port beer mustard. We had a selection of deli meats and two pieces of cheese each (one soft and one semi)… and then a giant pile of dried cranberries? And pickled cauliflower? One slice of bread and one really, really bad cracker each. As for what was on the board? Who knows.

Back in the hotel I was happy to see that Nick@Nite was back on! And it was on early! It was only 6:30pm. We finished the bottle of Riesling easily. There was some restless debate about going out for 1 more drink and food for me. In the end I ate the birthday cake Kit Kat and was too tired for more drinks.

 

Oregon Coast Is Underrated- Day 7

Tues. Sept 12, 2023 Springfield to Newberg, OR

As per usual, we woke up and nothing was open yet. We sat around the hotel room. I read my book while munching on the Lucky Charms and drinking Red Bull. I ended up finishing my book.

Our first stop of the day was the University of Oregon to see the football stadium. We stopped in at Ducks store, Brent got a t-shirt and new running shoes and a shot glass for our friend Carter. We could hear the marching band practicing. We also heard the football team practicing, but we couldn’t see them. Their field was surrounded by giant privacy hedges. One coach was filming it from a cherry picker and there was fake crowd noise being piped in.

We drove to downtown Eugene. We parked the car, failed to pay at the metre with card and gave it what little change I had left, a whopping 15 cents for 7 minutes. We walked over to Voodoo Doughnuts. We got a Butterfinger donut (chocolate cake base with vanilla glaze and crushed Butterfinger) and a Pop Tart donut (strawberry-filled yeasted donut with vanilla glaze). And of course, coffee, so I could continue functioning. Both donuts were so damn good. Blue Star paled in comparison. We walked back to the car to put more on the metre. Max’s Tavern was only a 15-minute walk away. After some more struggle we got the card payment to work. Max’s was supposedly like Moe’s bar from The Simpsons. It had just opened and there was only one other person in there. The cider on tap I wanted was out, so instead I had a can of 2 Towns pineapple cider, it was delicious. Brent had dressed up for the occasion, white t-shirt and jeans, had a PBR, which we guessed was about the closest to Duff? He also ordered a breakfast burrito, so good, but nowhere hear the level of the one in Wyoming. The bar was quite Moe’s-y. A little bit of a dive atmosphere but also comfy. They even had a Duff hat on display. One employee was talking about social media posting being a pain in the ass.

We drove back to the University of Oregon campus to see the track & field team. We wandered around it, the sun was beating down. We hit a dead end and had to backtrack. I felt awkward the whole time as they were setting up for a weekend event. Up next, we drove to the Woodburn Outlets. On the highway we saw a sign for the exit to the State Capitol. DETOUR! We saw the capitol building in Salem, OR. It wasn’t as pretty as some of the other ones. We passed another road sign for the 45^th parallel, halfway between the equator and the north pole. I shopped for an hour at the outlets. I was on the hunt for purple Levi’s but no luck. It’s a good thing there was a Starbucks so I could refuel.  

We headed out to wine country. I was skeptical. At Rex Hill Winery we had Seven Earths chardonnay and a Willamette Valley pinot noir. We traded halfway. The chardonnay was better, which is odd because this region is known for pinot noir. The set-up was meh, they only do full pours, no flights. I had been expecting a sampling. We sat on the patio, looking out past the road at the dormant fields. You could not tell we were right off a busy highway.

There was a liquor store right next door to our hotel. I went in while Brent checked us in. I didn’t have any ciders left, I had assumed we would be having a bottle of wine. There was a lady in the store that was just absolutely flabbergasted that the cashier had the same name and same birthday as her. Her partner could not care less that she had found her name twin.

I had just enough time to change before we had to head back out. We had dinner reservations at the Joel Palmer House. Dinner was AMAZING. Easily one of the best dining experiences we’ve ever had. Even if it made me sorta sick. The restaurant cuisine was based around mushrooms. I love mushrooms. My body, not so much. Halfway through I was so bloated. It physically hurt. We had opted for the omakase version, getting small portions with the option to keep going past the set menu. Apparently, the record was 14, which at first seemed totally do-able. Expect that by dish #8 I was struggling. I had wanted to tap out at that point, but they said that there was only one more sharing dish left before the option to tap out. It was a NY striploin and it was so damn good. Even if every bite caused my stomach to protest. The dishes were all so varied and it was easy to forget that they were mushroom based. Even the dessert had elements of mushroom in it. The dessert was a show-stopper. It was a giant sharing plate with a forest theme. Also unique was the cheese course. They had a variety of cheese to choose from ranging from mild to strong and we could choose as much as we wanted and it was cut right there for us. The Cotswolds cheese was the best, the Roquefort blue did not go down easy and caused a ruckus. By far my favourite of the dinner was the mushroom soup, it had a mushroom drawn in it with cream. It was easily one of the best things I have ever eaten. Ever. After that giant dessert plate, I was ready for a nap. But wait, there’s more! Apparently, there was a tiny ending dessert. We each got a small chocolate with mushroom pop rocks. It was so damn good! With dinner we’d each had a glass of wine. Brent had a glass of the JPH private cuvee 2015 pinot noir from Oregon. It was ok. But I much preferred my glass of rose of pinot noir from Rambeaux in the Willamette Valley.

The TV guide in our room was inaccurate. The channel that the show we wanted to watch wasn’t available. But I found it under a different number? We were watching old episodes of Bob’s Burgers because there was nothing else on. The MTV Music Awards were on four channels. The Avid Cider Co. blackberry cider was delicious and my stomach was surprisingly ok with it. I tried reading Girl on the Velvet Swing (NF) during commercials while searching desperately for Nick @ Nite so I could watch Friends. No luck, and the book wasn’t that good either.

 

Oregon Coast Is Underrated- Day 6

Mon. Sept 11, 2023 White City to Crater Lake to Springfield, OR

I woke up at 7am not trouble, and still had a good night’s sleep. The strawberry apricot Red Bull helped. From the hotel breakfast I grabbed a blueberry muffin and a cup of Lucky Charms for later, just in case I needed a snack. We took the Volcanic Legacy Highway, it took a little longer to get to Crater Lake that way but how could we pass on a highway like that?! At first the sun was directly in our eyes as we drove. Even with sunglasses it sucked. The first scenic overlook can barely be called that, it was barely a pull off, a tiny sliver of shoulder. It did not feel safe so we kept going. Surely something called “volcanic legacy” would have plenty of scenic overlooks? We did get a nice view of Howard Bay, right along the edge of the highway. There was a weird white column of smoke off in the distance, at one point it had perfectly lined up with the top of a volcano/mountain, but then as we drove on it separated. We never did find out where that solid column of cloud/smoke was coming from. We saw a bald eagle just sitting on top of a phone pole. We were barely inside of Crater Lake Park, and there was a young osprey sitting atop a phone pole. At the next pole was a nest with a baby and a momma bird. Turns out ospreys love poles. We stopped at a scenic viewpoint, the info panel was about the volcano that was once in the landscape but had blown up and collapsed leaving the flat land we were looking at, surrounded by other smaller peaks.

We drove to Crater Lake Lodge but we were too late for breakfast. The lodge had a beautiful view of the lake, there were deer on the sloped rock. I debated ordering a bagel, but it felt rude to order so close to the end of service. We got a cold turkey sandwich from the Rim Café and gift shop instead. I also got a snickerdoodle cookie and a strawberry rhubarb muffin in a parfait container for later. I would need it. The guide said that the hike down to our boat tour was a 1-hour strenuous hike, it was the only route down into the crater. I was filled with dread.

We drove along the East Rim to the Phantom Ship overlook, we had almost missed it because it was so poorly marked on the road, I was using a combination of the paper guide from the park and the sometimes-there-GPS. It was a beautiful view. The next one was Pumice Castle. We didn’t have time to continue on the road past that, we had a tour to get to. At Pumice Rock there was a guy in khakis, I joked that he was a loser for being dressed like a park ranger. The overlook was awesome, I wrote something about a rock formation but then I got distracted by a cute dog. As we were leaving there was a smaller, unnamed overlook offering a view of Phantom Ship rock from higher up. There were so many crickets making a racket there.

On the way to the boat tour, we stopped at some more overlooks. From Discovery Point overlook we could see Wizard Island, a newish volcano that had formed inside the previous volcano. There was a super cute chipmunk running around. Every overlook was up high looking down into the crater, I could see across the way the route we would have to take to get down. It felt daunting and like an insane trek. From Watchman Overlook we could the see the crater atop Wizard Island. There was a chipmunk posing for photos here. The lake was a beautiful blue, it was a little hazy but we could see all around and the info panels at all of the lookouts told us what we were looking at.

The Cleetwood Clove trail was not nearly as arduous as I had been expecting. I was picturing myself clambering over rocks and down steep mini-cliffs. In reality, it was just a really long series of switch-backs. It was well maintained and not that steep. It had been the elevation change that had really scared me. The return still lingered in my mind. The guide said it was the equivalent of 65 flights of stairs. WHAT.

We got there right on time…only to find out that our tour was delayed by 30 minutes. We sat on some rocks in the shade. Apparently if we had felt like it, we could jump off a 18-foot cliff into the small portion of Crater Lake that was allowed for swimming. Hard pass, I couldn’t even watch other people jump. The beautiful view was marred by the nincompoops next to us. They fed a chipmunk then were utterly shocked when it came back for more. HOW CAN SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPEN? These chipmunks were brazen, climbing onto the backpack. It was infuriating to be near this but there was nowhere else to sit, I needed shade, the sun was bright. It was much better once they had left. I watched the chipmunks running around, two appeared to be juveniles. The one big one lorded over them, scaring them off. They were squeaking and peeping, chasing each other, digging and eating flowers. It was adorable. I was glad they weren’t 100% reliant on humans for food. Yet. Who knows. An old guy jumped in the water and said it was very cold.

The boat tour of Crater Lake was great. We learned a lot and had some unique views from down below. The water was incredible, so clear in some parts. I learned that Wizard Island was a volcanic cone, it can only erupt once, therefore it was extinct. The water changed colour from blue to blue-teal based on the depth of the lake bottom. We got to see Phantom Ship from down below. There were dumb people on the boat too. A Canadian lady saying that China steals Canada’s water. We didn’t know or we would have planned better. Apparently one stop of the tour was that you got to fill a water bottle from the lake! We only had a Gatorade bottle and didn’t want to contaminate the lake. I powered back up the trail. I had packed a Red Bull but it was too late in the day. I had carried it for nothing. Instead, I had an Incline marionberry cider and the strawberry rhubarb parfait muffin, that turns out had a yogurt centre. Plus, there was the promise of the snickerdoodle cookie I had left in the car. I crushed my expected time (I had assumed double for the way back), 20 minutes down and 27 minutes up. I also really, really wanted to get away from all of the annoying people.

Back on the road: mountains off in the distance. SPRINGFIELD!! We walked down Main St. and took photos of the Simpsons mural and looked at the lady who does Lisa’s voice, handprints in cement. We had dinner at Plank Town brewing. The H(h)azy (style? brewery name?) strawberry cider was delicious. It oddly had a bit of a sesame flavour to it, but that somehow worked. Brent had the burger, it was ok but I wasn’t really in the mood for it. The breaded Oregon snapper tacos were delicious, as were the garlic fries from the burger. In a rare moment (I had barely eaten all day, or so it felt like) we both ordered a dessert. Brent had the chocolate peanut butter pie with house-made (!) strawberry (and amaretto? couldn’t taste it) ice cream. They know how to get you, with the house-made.

I was so tired, it felt like a 2-ciders-then-bed night. Friends wasn’t on yet?! Why was it on so late today?? It started at 9pm so I only got to watch one episode. While I waited, I read and played the movie grid game. 9963 steps, only 42 floors. The guide lied.

 

Oregon Coast Is Underrated- Day 5

Sun. Sept 10, 2023 Gold Beach to White City, OR

I ended up sleeping 10.5 hours, not bad given I had imbibed a little more than usual and had a dream-in-a-dream-in-a-dream nightmare. I had dreamt I was asleep and a green laser was scanning me, it was scary because it felt so real. In my haze I was concerned about how to disprove it being real.

We had breakfast at the lodge, looking out over the lawn and the river through the giant windows. The coffee was perfect and we had a buffet of fruit, yogurt and house-made granola and mini pastries. On top of that we also got to order a dish. I had the pancakes which were topped with honey butter, incredibly delicious. Brent had the eggs etc.. I was not a fan of the sausage, it was more of a patty so I added it to Brent’s plate, where it seemed to fit in a little better. Our dinner companions were at the next table over. They waved hello but didn’t come over. I think they may have been surprised to see us up and about and functioning, given the plethora of drinks? The server was talking to the next table over and they were telling her that they’d seen a sign for “world famous” without stating what it was. She knew exactly what they were talking about and what it was referring to. She said it was hotdogs. She also said that Bandon was way better than Brookings. Our original plans had been to backtrack and have lunch in Brookings. Instead of going back, especially given it was an active forest fire scene, we went with the more-coast-detour. Going to Bandon instead.

Before we headed out on the road, Brent went out on the river, I stayed behind, reading on the porch and enjoying the lavender. It was so nice and relaxing. Until I heard a loud mechanical buzzing. I was immediately worried that it was a giant hornet. Nope, it was a hummingbird. Off in the distance above the river I saw a giant bird soaring. He had a dark body and a white head and perched atop a tree top. It had to be a bald eagle. No sooner had I gone back to my book, I heard a loud squawking at my feet. I looked down over the railing and saw a scrub jay with a cute little mowhawk. He flew up to the railing of a planter holder on the balcony above me. He was scratching his head against the railing. Was he waiting for Nutter Butter crumbs?! How could he tell from there?!

Bandon was the exact same as Brookings (which we had driven through yesterday). Why had the server been trash-talking it?! The only “world famous” sign we saw was for Langlois and it was in the previous town, south of there. We craned our necks but saw no hotdog stands or restaurants or even signs. We google and got nothing. At the Smith Creek Covered Bridge rest stop I opened the car door and was greeted by a super friendly dog. He was so cool, he was on the road with his owners in a converted school bus. The rest stop had a bathroom as well, always a plus. Turns out the covered bridge is where teens go to write really shitty graffiti.

For lunch we stopped at the same In N Out burger as yesterday in Grants Pass. SO. DAMN. GOOD. Yes, we had eaten it three days in a row, and yes I would argue to go on like this forever. I had asked for the burger sauce on the side, to try dipping fries. They didn’t, so instead I just dipped my fries in the burger sauce on my burger. It was pretty good, better than ketchup, but not better than animal style. We also stopped at a gas station for beers, they had a giant billboard for their newly renovated beer fridge. I was not impressed.

We got to the hotel just after 3pm. We were staying on the Crater Lake Highway, basically a waypoint for tomorrow because the lodge in the park was fully booked up. It was too early for good TV so I read my book. It also felt too early for drinking. Eventually Bob’s Burgers came on. We drove to 7-Eleven for snacks and iced coffee for tomorrow morning. There was a guy in there who was an expert on 7-Eleven coupons and deals, arguing with the cashier that at the “other 7-Eleven” they do it that way. I also requested a pit stop to Dairy Queen. The snickerdoodle cookie dough mini was perfect and really hit the spot. Back in the room, Bob’s Burgers wasn’t on. Now it was American Dad. As soon as I switched the channel all was well, it was time for Nick @ Nite, aka I watch Friends until it’s time to go to sleep. Seinfeld was on the other channel so it took the lead, with Friends during commercials because Seinfeld would be less episodes than Friends. The 2 Towns strawberry lemonade cider was ok, but tasted kind of too fake. The Ruffles smokehouse BBQ and Doritos salsa verde were so good. The Swedish Fish & Friends weren’t as good as I had remembered them being. It was a paltry day for steps, but I had also not taken my phone with me everywhere: 795.