mamma mia [in fake italian accent]:
me and Mike were sitting around bored this evening, so suddenly he came up with the crazy idea to go to Home Depot. the whole way there i thought it was simply to get the lil screw thingy to cap the gas lines. i was all happy that i would get to channel Mike Holmes, yet again. as we were walking, he mentioned finishing the basement and i thought nothing of it, until later it clicked that that was the purpose of the trip.
fast forward: we are in Home Depot. we go to the displays and we both cram into a shower stall and giggle, but no one saw us. then we ask the first guy we find, who just happens to be quite good-looking [this is important], he helps us find a new shower knob/handle or "shower knob turnie dealie" as i called it, because apparently THAT was what we had come in for. and so i ask the guy which one is easiest to install… by ourselves. a family nearby is choking down laughter, and Rob [the wonderous helper we had found] was like "maybe you should check with the owner of the house beforehand". Mike looks at me, looks at Rob and he’s like "i AM the owner of the house"… all you see is Rob burst out laughing. yet he didn’t get my joke about the hand-held shower head. he actually tried to sell it to us!
fast forward again: the people at the services and installations desk are confused because Mike wants info about finishing the basement. turns out, the services and installations people are gone for the day. Rob puts in a request for an estimate for us. and i demand that he write down that they not call in the morning. everyone at the desk laughs.
at this point EVERY single person who sees us thinks we are a couple.
fast forward some more: we are trying to explain that we want screws to cap off the gas lines. i was the one who had been poking around the gas lines, so apparently only i know if they are around the outside or the inside. at this point i am super giggly [and still giddy from the fun afternoon i had hanging out with Brent]. so its up to me which piece we buy. the one that screws on the outside or the inside. but i thought he had meant the gas line back home, it was the dealie sticking on the outside or inside. five minutes of confusion and "are you sure?"s i am convinced of it. as he is still looking, i starting gazing around and i notice beside it there are some other little parts that are called: nipples. so i poke Mike and we giggle, but Rob catches wind of this… he too starts to giggle.
we ended up dragging Rob, who according to Mike was a kitchen specialist, all over the store looking for things for the basement and writing down the order codes. at some point he left us with the rugs. after about 15mins we figured we had royally pissed him off and that he left us for dead. so we left.
Part Two: Shower Knob/Handle/Dealie Installation DIY
first we try to assemble the shower knob just to see if its do-able. done. the instructions mind you, are completly ridiculous and of no help. soon we realize that to actually attach it to the water pipes we need to cut metal then weld the new pipe-fitting-dealie in. we decide to go ahead anyways and see how much we can get done, hoping that maybe there will be no need for that. all is going well so far. we started with the 2 main screws. half-way through getting the first one out, i thought out loud "maybe we should turn off the main water?". Mike runs downstairs and all you hear is an assload of noises and pipes rumbling, the whole house shakes. eventually we got the 2 screws out and the back part of it is loose, but the knob is preventing wass from removing it. so we try yanking the whole thing. no go [thank God!]. eventually we figured out where the screw holding the knob in place was. it was just a matter of removing the plastic dealie that was put in there with the logo on it and to "prevent" access to said screw. so i tell Mike to use the flat thingy for the screwdriver to pry it out. no go. he sends me downstairs to get a knife. so i come back with the 2 cheap dollar store knives [in case 1 breaks]. Mike goes grrr. tells me to get the butter knife. so i come back AGAIN. take the knife and attempt to pry it out. no go. so i get mad, grab the sharp knife and start stabbing til i get some leverage. at this point Mike is like "OMG don’t stab your hand!". and finally *FLING* the lil plastic dealie flies out and lands in the tub. SUCCESS! so we pull the knob off, the little plastic thingy behind it too. we pull the back"board" off too, except it was being held in place with foam and glue. and the glue was SUPER crusty, which just goes to show how old that shower knob really is.
anyways… there was a little metal disc behind the plastic one. we kept trying and trying to pull it out but to no avail. the damn thing would not budge. i leaned in real close and looked. there was the teeniest of tiniest elastics keeping it in place. all that struggling and grunting and borderline going to get the needlenose pliers… for nothing. after that we took it off. all that was left was the base of it all which was welded together to the actual pipelines. we were stuck. it was a no go. so i thought that if we leave it the way it is and just not use it until the plumber comes and installs the new knob it will all be fine. but just to be sure i sent Mike downstairs to turn the water on. *SPLASH* all this super hot water starts pouring from the bathtub tap. and i mean really really hot. my glasses were all steamy. we had NEVER had the water even close to that hot up there. i mean you could instantly brew tea in it. and of course the pipes make more noise as Mike turns them on. he runs back upstairs, there i am sitting on the edge of the tub, using the butter knife to hold the drain open, with my glasses all foggy! Mike grabs the little tiny metal thing that is normally supposed to be where the knob connects and starts turning, but the water doesn’t stop! so i panic, Mike leaves because at this point it is getting really hot in the bathroom. he leaves holding the screwdriver over the metal dealie [its making hissing noises and we are both convinced that hot water will come shooting out], and runs back downstairs to turn the water off. after much failed turning. we hit a wall. the water is turned off and unable to be turned back on. there is still water dripping from the tap, making the most annoying noise. taunting me, saying "ahahaha i beat you, i win". i was sitting on my bed giggling, trying to ignore the noise and Mike was still in the bathroom tinkering and turning the lil metal dealie. he sent ME downstairs to turn the water back on, and told me of the horrid noise that it makes, and of course it still managed to make me jump.
back upstairs. Mike keeps tinkering some more. after about 20mins he has figured out how the entire thing works. he tries to run it by me, i only understand the simple logistics of it. more tinkering. he has figured out that the little plastic disc had been originally installed BACKWARDS/UPSIDE DOWN. this whole time, since the shower was first installed, there was barely any hot water… all due to THAT! Mike keeps turning the water on and off, so as to adjust the placement of the plastic disc. i kept sticking my fingers under the water to give my input. it goes like this: cold. hot. lukewarm. COLD! warm. hot. lukewarm. cold. SUPER HOT!!!! [yes, i actually said SUPER HOT!] so Mike puts it the right way, we screw everything back in place. minus the gross, crusty glue covered, foam thing.
Chapter 3: Guinea Pig Pinka
i am in desperate need of a shower at this point given that my hands smell funny from the crusty foam piece. Connie and Mike are both warning me repeatedly to be careful and not get burnt. i keep joking that if they smell roast chicken to come upstairs and rescue me. so i go in, a little wary at first. nice, nice.. i stayed in there for a good hour, at least. it was my first hot shower in London. Mike ended up going in there about 20mins after i had left, and he was like "wow! it still warm in here!!!"
disclaimer: this is in all truth a real story and it did in fact happen. pics are in album as PROOF.