Mike: this all started with a bump on my head
i was on MSN talking to Brent, telling him about how i was planning on getting Mike & Alex to join me for the 2-4 weekend. the plan was to rent a car and head down to Port, something or other. anyways, at some point Mike said he just had to buy a car. but then complications arose from the insurance mess and such that resulted in hours of arguing and yelling and getting poked with the computer pen. then they wandered off, i returned to my conversation. somehow it came up that he would some weekend take me to the beach. so i got all excited and yelled about it, also as "getting back" at Mike & Alex for bailing on me and having fun earlier in the day. next thing i know, Alex is gone, and Mike is holding a stool yelling. so i yelled back. then we got to chasing each other around. and he was standing in the way of the bathroom, which i had to make use of. so more yelling ensued. and some chasing. more yelling. then some pain. from my yelling. i pointed out that there would only be more head pain from more of my yelling if he stood in the way. i offered that we could return to our positions when i came back. him holding a stool, me yelling "I came sanctity!! ALEX!!! CONNY HELP ME!!" but it was no go. eventually Conny tackled him, i ran through.
Mike was still acting crazy after that and driving me crazy while at it. so i decided to lock him in the garage while he fiddled with the recycling bins because apparently they are just too damn far from the kitchen. he started moaning like a zombie and pounding on the door. me and Conny laughed, she pointed out that he had his key and could easily get out of the garage and come through the front door. so i went outside and pounded on the garage door. *THUD* came the response back, on the door to the house though. puzzled i came back inside, and giggled some more. Conny said he needed 5 minutes in there to calm down. at this point i couldn’t breathe and had tears running down my face, so i had to let him out for the laughter was overcoming me. he seemed to have been leaning on the door because when i opened it he face-planted onto the floor. i peered over to check that he was still alive. he moaned, i giggled, stepped over him and went back to my work. eventually i wasn’t sure if i should call an ambulance, or George A. Romero. he was trying to crawl up the stairs, but he was only using one arm. so for a while i was trying to figure out if there was a dislocation. mind you, i was safely at the top of the stairs on the second floor. i had a good hour before he could’ve crawled up there. eventually i did threaten to call an ambulance and he abruptly got up, held his head and said ow. i said he needed water, but he ran away from it.
somehow we ended up going to mall for supplies for Conny’s cake. which translated to eating DQ [side bar: while at DQ, there was this dorky kid who yelled at another kid who had already made a purchase, assuming he had cut in line. he was only trying to flirt with the bimbos working there, who retaliated by dabbing each other with icing. i am NEVER eating there again, at least not on a weekend when bimbos run the damn place] and apparently these supplies can be found in Sport Mart. the guy came up and tried to help us. BIG mistake. no one ever manages to help. they just end up getting pulled into the story then written about here. Mike was going to buy a pair of shorts but then he claimed that something would be seen in them, something i wish to not mention here. the guy came up and asked what was wrong with the shorts and why we were laughing. he never did find out. he came back at least 3 times to try and help. so did one chick. but she gave up after the first try. at the check out, the helper guy was on register. suddenly out of nowhere, all i hear: "hey, i need new shoes." *blank stare* from my end. zOMG. we were so close to out of the store. the guy at the register laughed and offered to help. first he asked for shoe size.
Mike: *blank stare*
me: *looks at foot* "size 11".
Sales Guy: maybe you should measure your foot
i was ALMOST right, it was 11.5. after some random chit chat between us, Mike said something "your mom" so i replied with an even worse "your mom". a really really bad one involving f-ck. ’nuff said. the guy burst out laughing. he kept asking "are you sure about this?" and said that he was the first customer he ever had to ask that. then even at the register, after Mike tried to get a discount he asked again "are you sure?" even the other cashier chick laughed. at some point he also asked if we were always like this. he also ended up hearing the story of the BBQ [see one of the [previous posts].
then Bulk Barn there was another "your mom" incident and it made the sales guy laugh. sadly he was the only one within distance and i had to go up and ask him if he sold nuts, while still laughing [he too seemed to be holding down giggles]. last shred of dignity. gone. the cashier chick was boring. when Mike asked if he could have the icing squeezing tube, that i made him buy, for free she angrily said "NO". not even, "NOK". just "NO". what a b-tch.
at Zellers Mike asked something about "depth" and a chick, and the sales guy nearby, who was on the phone, turned all red and was stammering to speak whilst holding down laughter. and again, more "your mom" jokes.
then at Loblaws Mike finally started recognizing the people who work there. and then he charged an 89 cent tub of margarine to his credit card. not even the one that would earn him points, just the boring old abused one.