bored, and surfing the net, i chanced upon a show that intriged me: Secret Talents of the Stars. with such a great title how could i go wrong?! the show sounded awesome. and just as i was ready to watch it… the news came in. the show has been cancelled. one episode… and it gets canned. but this only further intrigued me. how could a show with such a great sounding title and assumedly a great concept behind fail so miserably so quickly? and with such a wonderful host? the guy from Family Feud, well the current host i mean. the one who does that stupid little dance every time he comes out.
first up was figure skating chick, whose name was something that sounded like Sacha Cohen. to which i immediately added Baron and got real excited, because whatever his secret talent is it must be awesome. but then they said she. and figure skating. at which point i lost interest. as it turns out her secret talent is that she is a contortionist, which just does not seem like a far stretch to me, seeing as in the figure skating clips they showed her putting her leg up to her head. in the end the contortionist show she put on did nothing more than creep me out, she could just about get her head to her crotch by bending BACKWARDS. and it was also creepy when she put her foot under her chin. and when i could see her ribs. unpleasant.
just as i was starting to realize why the show got cancelled, they brought out the next contestant: George Tekai. i lost it laughing already, for i associate him with William Shatner who doesn’t even have to do anything to make me laugh. but it got even better. as it turns out: his secret talent is country singing. there were some great lines in this bit, like: "i’m finally coming out… of my shower stall". and when the mean judge was critiquing him he said "if you do come back can you de-suckify your voice?". but getting to watch George Tekai sing "On The Road Again" and seeing the lady judge, Debbie was her name?, ask him to go on tour with her in her tour bus was worth watching.
after that was Clint Black. i still have no idea who he is, a country star of sorts? he did a comedy routine that was pretty lame. there were one or two jokes that made me laugh, but they weren’t especially clever, so he got no points with me. in the end he sucked. BUT the mean judge who hated every performance so far pulled a 180 and actually liked the comedy routine! at which point i started thinking that this indeed was scripted, which is why it failed.
and then Mya the singer, did a tap dancing routine. no matter how you slice it, tap dancing is boring. even when you are fast forwarding it. the judges kept hitting on her and calling her beautiful. beauty has NOTHING to do with talent *angry face*
after the voting, Clint moved on, but George didn’t?! and my above point was proven: tap dancing is boring and looks do NOT count as talent, Mya didn’t move on…
and the contortionist moved on. but none of that matters. the show has been cancelled.
i demand they bring it back.