Oregon Coast Is Underrated- Day 8

Wed. Sept 13, 2023 Newberg to Portland, OR

I woke up at 7:30ish, I had not slept well. I had been woken up by the stench of my armpit?! We drove down the street to From Russia With Coffee. I was finally going to have a coffee from one of those teeny tiny drive-thrus. I had seen so many but it was never easy to get to. I ordered the Snickers latte, it was ok, kind of smelled better than it tasted. At the gas station next door, I got strawberries and cream Dr Pepper and rice krispie square flavoured M&Ms. Both were awful. Thankfully I had also gotten a birthday cake Kit Kat and most stuf Oreos. Once again we found ourselves killing time in the hotel room, this time we were waiting for the wineries to open at 11am. I was reading my book but I soon got distracted by looking for any new tips on Reddit on the stupid elusive panthers in RDR2. I had somehow gotten re-obsessed with it?! Who knew that was a thing?? I blame the nature of Oregon. I also looked up when Jeopardy! is back, it had come back on Monday! Ack! Thankfully the episodes were all still up on YouTube so we caught up. I gave up on my book and got another one (gotta love ebooks, total vacation game-changer). I opted for a non-fiction title about the heart called Pump.

At Argyle Brewery we were greeted by a black and white cat, fittingly named Oreo. He was very meowy and kept rubbing against the wooden wall. It was so damn cute. I didn’t have much time to browse the menu, having been distracted. I panicked and ordered a glass of Nuthouse chardonnay and a Spirit pinot noir. Apparently, the latter was a brand-new offering. The owner told us about the wines and how they were grown. He was a very nice guy. Meanwhile the cat was stalking around and finally settled in a chair at the next table.

Sadly, there was no cat at Ponzi Winery. Brent didn’t have a second, he had to drive. At first it was unclear if they only sold bottles, but at the bar there was a by-the-glass menu. As we sat on the patio, looking at the vineyard and the bachelorette party, we debated ordering the baguette with lavender butter but by the time the lady came by I was done the wine. I had the 2017 Friends —— (something? I didn’t write a note to myself and couldn’t remember) pinot noir. It was better than Argyle. We also purchased a bottle of Riesling for later. I was sad to see that it was a screw-top. No wonder it was the cheapest bottle. In my defense, we hadn’t tried an Oregon Riesling (only pinot noir and chardonnay). From the highway we could see the vines. Both wineries were actively harvesting. At Argyle they had a sign telling you what grapes were being picked that day (it was pinot noir and chardonnay). At Ponzi they just had a sign to be careful when driving.

At this point I’d had two glasses of wine before noon. Hooboi. It’s no surprise I fell asleep in the car. I awoke right as we pulled into the Trader Joe’s parking lot in Portland. I grabbed more seasonings for my stockpile. We left the car and walked over to Scottie’s Pizza Parlour (as recommended in the Toronto Star) for lunch. I needed food. We had a grandma slice which was square with white sauce and onion and soft cheese. And a slice of the #1 award-winning pizza: basil & Parmesan. Along with a side of garlic knots. I didn’t even miss not having pepperoni. We walked over to Blue Star Donuts for dessert. Another newspaper recommendation. It was a slightly different donut, a brioche-style. We had a chocolate ganache and almond covered one that was pretty good. The raspberry bergamot old fashioned was not good. It had absorbed too much oil in frying. Nowhere near as good as Voodoo Doughnuts. Not even close. On the way back we stopped at Dutch Bros coffee so I could refuel. It was necessary. I was glad it wasn’t just a drive-thru kiosk, I 100% would have walked through regardless. I ordered a refresher drink this time, opting not to tempt fate with my finicky stomach. It was Rebel energy drink mixed with seltzer and strawberry and pomegranate syrups. It was perfect and similar to one of my favourite drinks from Second Cup.

We drove to the hotel and unpacked quickly. We had to run back down and drive the car to a nearby parking garage a few blocks away. On the way back to the hotel we stopped at Madewell and Anthropologie but I had no shopping luck. We also popped into Powell’s Books because it was one of the popular Portland attractions. Brent ended up finding his next read in the used book section and I got a magnet as a thank-you-souvenir for my sister for cat and garden care. I chugged the rest of my refresher back in the hotel but I was still craving refreshment. I was fighting the tiredness so hard. But I still needed to pack, we were flying out the next day and I had accrued a lot of stuff- groceries really- over the course of our trip. We watched Jeopardy! on YouTube and sipped Riesling. It was ok but you could tell it’s one of their lesser wines. Again, the screw topo should have been the obvious clue.

We had an early 5pm dinner at Deschutes Brewery. I had a glass of the Deschutes wayfarer cider made with Oregon apples. It was listed as “Teku only”, apparently that refers to the glassware? Who cares? Regardless, it was delicious. We were both still pretty full from earlier, so we ordered a charcuterie board. Womp womp. The best item on the board was the butte-port beer mustard. We had a selection of deli meats and two pieces of cheese each (one soft and one semi)… and then a giant pile of dried cranberries? And pickled cauliflower? One slice of bread and one really, really bad cracker each. As for what was on the board? Who knows.

Back in the hotel I was happy to see that Nick@Nite was back on! And it was on early! It was only 6:30pm. We finished the bottle of Riesling easily. There was some restless debate about going out for 1 more drink and food for me. In the end I ate the birthday cake Kit Kat and was too tired for more drinks.

 

Oregon Coast Is Underrated- Day 7

Tues. Sept 12, 2023 Springfield to Newberg, OR

As per usual, we woke up and nothing was open yet. We sat around the hotel room. I read my book while munching on the Lucky Charms and drinking Red Bull. I ended up finishing my book.

Our first stop of the day was the University of Oregon to see the football stadium. We stopped in at Ducks store, Brent got a t-shirt and new running shoes and a shot glass for our friend Carter. We could hear the marching band practicing. We also heard the football team practicing, but we couldn’t see them. Their field was surrounded by giant privacy hedges. One coach was filming it from a cherry picker and there was fake crowd noise being piped in.

We drove to downtown Eugene. We parked the car, failed to pay at the metre with card and gave it what little change I had left, a whopping 15 cents for 7 minutes. We walked over to Voodoo Doughnuts. We got a Butterfinger donut (chocolate cake base with vanilla glaze and crushed Butterfinger) and a Pop Tart donut (strawberry-filled yeasted donut with vanilla glaze). And of course, coffee, so I could continue functioning. Both donuts were so damn good. Blue Star paled in comparison. We walked back to the car to put more on the metre. Max’s Tavern was only a 15-minute walk away. After some more struggle we got the card payment to work. Max’s was supposedly like Moe’s bar from The Simpsons. It had just opened and there was only one other person in there. The cider on tap I wanted was out, so instead I had a can of 2 Towns pineapple cider, it was delicious. Brent had dressed up for the occasion, white t-shirt and jeans, had a PBR, which we guessed was about the closest to Duff? He also ordered a breakfast burrito, so good, but nowhere hear the level of the one in Wyoming. The bar was quite Moe’s-y. A little bit of a dive atmosphere but also comfy. They even had a Duff hat on display. One employee was talking about social media posting being a pain in the ass.

We drove back to the University of Oregon campus to see the track & field team. We wandered around it, the sun was beating down. We hit a dead end and had to backtrack. I felt awkward the whole time as they were setting up for a weekend event. Up next, we drove to the Woodburn Outlets. On the highway we saw a sign for the exit to the State Capitol. DETOUR! We saw the capitol building in Salem, OR. It wasn’t as pretty as some of the other ones. We passed another road sign for the 45^th parallel, halfway between the equator and the north pole. I shopped for an hour at the outlets. I was on the hunt for purple Levi’s but no luck. It’s a good thing there was a Starbucks so I could refuel.  

We headed out to wine country. I was skeptical. At Rex Hill Winery we had Seven Earths chardonnay and a Willamette Valley pinot noir. We traded halfway. The chardonnay was better, which is odd because this region is known for pinot noir. The set-up was meh, they only do full pours, no flights. I had been expecting a sampling. We sat on the patio, looking out past the road at the dormant fields. You could not tell we were right off a busy highway.

There was a liquor store right next door to our hotel. I went in while Brent checked us in. I didn’t have any ciders left, I had assumed we would be having a bottle of wine. There was a lady in the store that was just absolutely flabbergasted that the cashier had the same name and same birthday as her. Her partner could not care less that she had found her name twin.

I had just enough time to change before we had to head back out. We had dinner reservations at the Joel Palmer House. Dinner was AMAZING. Easily one of the best dining experiences we’ve ever had. Even if it made me sorta sick. The restaurant cuisine was based around mushrooms. I love mushrooms. My body, not so much. Halfway through I was so bloated. It physically hurt. We had opted for the omakase version, getting small portions with the option to keep going past the set menu. Apparently, the record was 14, which at first seemed totally do-able. Expect that by dish #8 I was struggling. I had wanted to tap out at that point, but they said that there was only one more sharing dish left before the option to tap out. It was a NY striploin and it was so damn good. Even if every bite caused my stomach to protest. The dishes were all so varied and it was easy to forget that they were mushroom based. Even the dessert had elements of mushroom in it. The dessert was a show-stopper. It was a giant sharing plate with a forest theme. Also unique was the cheese course. They had a variety of cheese to choose from ranging from mild to strong and we could choose as much as we wanted and it was cut right there for us. The Cotswolds cheese was the best, the Roquefort blue did not go down easy and caused a ruckus. By far my favourite of the dinner was the mushroom soup, it had a mushroom drawn in it with cream. It was easily one of the best things I have ever eaten. Ever. After that giant dessert plate, I was ready for a nap. But wait, there’s more! Apparently, there was a tiny ending dessert. We each got a small chocolate with mushroom pop rocks. It was so damn good! With dinner we’d each had a glass of wine. Brent had a glass of the JPH private cuvee 2015 pinot noir from Oregon. It was ok. But I much preferred my glass of rose of pinot noir from Rambeaux in the Willamette Valley.

The TV guide in our room was inaccurate. The channel that the show we wanted to watch wasn’t available. But I found it under a different number? We were watching old episodes of Bob’s Burgers because there was nothing else on. The MTV Music Awards were on four channels. The Avid Cider Co. blackberry cider was delicious and my stomach was surprisingly ok with it. I tried reading Girl on the Velvet Swing (NF) during commercials while searching desperately for Nick @ Nite so I could watch Friends. No luck, and the book wasn’t that good either.

 

Oregon Coast Is Underrated- Day 6

Mon. Sept 11, 2023 White City to Crater Lake to Springfield, OR

I woke up at 7am not trouble, and still had a good night’s sleep. The strawberry apricot Red Bull helped. From the hotel breakfast I grabbed a blueberry muffin and a cup of Lucky Charms for later, just in case I needed a snack. We took the Volcanic Legacy Highway, it took a little longer to get to Crater Lake that way but how could we pass on a highway like that?! At first the sun was directly in our eyes as we drove. Even with sunglasses it sucked. The first scenic overlook can barely be called that, it was barely a pull off, a tiny sliver of shoulder. It did not feel safe so we kept going. Surely something called “volcanic legacy” would have plenty of scenic overlooks? We did get a nice view of Howard Bay, right along the edge of the highway. There was a weird white column of smoke off in the distance, at one point it had perfectly lined up with the top of a volcano/mountain, but then as we drove on it separated. We never did find out where that solid column of cloud/smoke was coming from. We saw a bald eagle just sitting on top of a phone pole. We were barely inside of Crater Lake Park, and there was a young osprey sitting atop a phone pole. At the next pole was a nest with a baby and a momma bird. Turns out ospreys love poles. We stopped at a scenic viewpoint, the info panel was about the volcano that was once in the landscape but had blown up and collapsed leaving the flat land we were looking at, surrounded by other smaller peaks.

We drove to Crater Lake Lodge but we were too late for breakfast. The lodge had a beautiful view of the lake, there were deer on the sloped rock. I debated ordering a bagel, but it felt rude to order so close to the end of service. We got a cold turkey sandwich from the Rim Café and gift shop instead. I also got a snickerdoodle cookie and a strawberry rhubarb muffin in a parfait container for later. I would need it. The guide said that the hike down to our boat tour was a 1-hour strenuous hike, it was the only route down into the crater. I was filled with dread.

We drove along the East Rim to the Phantom Ship overlook, we had almost missed it because it was so poorly marked on the road, I was using a combination of the paper guide from the park and the sometimes-there-GPS. It was a beautiful view. The next one was Pumice Castle. We didn’t have time to continue on the road past that, we had a tour to get to. At Pumice Rock there was a guy in khakis, I joked that he was a loser for being dressed like a park ranger. The overlook was awesome, I wrote something about a rock formation but then I got distracted by a cute dog. As we were leaving there was a smaller, unnamed overlook offering a view of Phantom Ship rock from higher up. There were so many crickets making a racket there.

On the way to the boat tour, we stopped at some more overlooks. From Discovery Point overlook we could see Wizard Island, a newish volcano that had formed inside the previous volcano. There was a super cute chipmunk running around. Every overlook was up high looking down into the crater, I could see across the way the route we would have to take to get down. It felt daunting and like an insane trek. From Watchman Overlook we could the see the crater atop Wizard Island. There was a chipmunk posing for photos here. The lake was a beautiful blue, it was a little hazy but we could see all around and the info panels at all of the lookouts told us what we were looking at.

The Cleetwood Clove trail was not nearly as arduous as I had been expecting. I was picturing myself clambering over rocks and down steep mini-cliffs. In reality, it was just a really long series of switch-backs. It was well maintained and not that steep. It had been the elevation change that had really scared me. The return still lingered in my mind. The guide said it was the equivalent of 65 flights of stairs. WHAT.

We got there right on time…only to find out that our tour was delayed by 30 minutes. We sat on some rocks in the shade. Apparently if we had felt like it, we could jump off a 18-foot cliff into the small portion of Crater Lake that was allowed for swimming. Hard pass, I couldn’t even watch other people jump. The beautiful view was marred by the nincompoops next to us. They fed a chipmunk then were utterly shocked when it came back for more. HOW CAN SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPEN? These chipmunks were brazen, climbing onto the backpack. It was infuriating to be near this but there was nowhere else to sit, I needed shade, the sun was bright. It was much better once they had left. I watched the chipmunks running around, two appeared to be juveniles. The one big one lorded over them, scaring them off. They were squeaking and peeping, chasing each other, digging and eating flowers. It was adorable. I was glad they weren’t 100% reliant on humans for food. Yet. Who knows. An old guy jumped in the water and said it was very cold.

The boat tour of Crater Lake was great. We learned a lot and had some unique views from down below. The water was incredible, so clear in some parts. I learned that Wizard Island was a volcanic cone, it can only erupt once, therefore it was extinct. The water changed colour from blue to blue-teal based on the depth of the lake bottom. We got to see Phantom Ship from down below. There were dumb people on the boat too. A Canadian lady saying that China steals Canada’s water. We didn’t know or we would have planned better. Apparently one stop of the tour was that you got to fill a water bottle from the lake! We only had a Gatorade bottle and didn’t want to contaminate the lake. I powered back up the trail. I had packed a Red Bull but it was too late in the day. I had carried it for nothing. Instead, I had an Incline marionberry cider and the strawberry rhubarb parfait muffin, that turns out had a yogurt centre. Plus, there was the promise of the snickerdoodle cookie I had left in the car. I crushed my expected time (I had assumed double for the way back), 20 minutes down and 27 minutes up. I also really, really wanted to get away from all of the annoying people.

Back on the road: mountains off in the distance. SPRINGFIELD!! We walked down Main St. and took photos of the Simpsons mural and looked at the lady who does Lisa’s voice, handprints in cement. We had dinner at Plank Town brewing. The H(h)azy (style? brewery name?) strawberry cider was delicious. It oddly had a bit of a sesame flavour to it, but that somehow worked. Brent had the burger, it was ok but I wasn’t really in the mood for it. The breaded Oregon snapper tacos were delicious, as were the garlic fries from the burger. In a rare moment (I had barely eaten all day, or so it felt like) we both ordered a dessert. Brent had the chocolate peanut butter pie with house-made (!) strawberry (and amaretto? couldn’t taste it) ice cream. They know how to get you, with the house-made.

I was so tired, it felt like a 2-ciders-then-bed night. Friends wasn’t on yet?! Why was it on so late today?? It started at 9pm so I only got to watch one episode. While I waited, I read and played the movie grid game. 9963 steps, only 42 floors. The guide lied.

 

Oregon Coast Is Underrated- Day 5

Sun. Sept 10, 2023 Gold Beach to White City, OR

I ended up sleeping 10.5 hours, not bad given I had imbibed a little more than usual and had a dream-in-a-dream-in-a-dream nightmare. I had dreamt I was asleep and a green laser was scanning me, it was scary because it felt so real. In my haze I was concerned about how to disprove it being real.

We had breakfast at the lodge, looking out over the lawn and the river through the giant windows. The coffee was perfect and we had a buffet of fruit, yogurt and house-made granola and mini pastries. On top of that we also got to order a dish. I had the pancakes which were topped with honey butter, incredibly delicious. Brent had the eggs etc.. I was not a fan of the sausage, it was more of a patty so I added it to Brent’s plate, where it seemed to fit in a little better. Our dinner companions were at the next table over. They waved hello but didn’t come over. I think they may have been surprised to see us up and about and functioning, given the plethora of drinks? The server was talking to the next table over and they were telling her that they’d seen a sign for “world famous” without stating what it was. She knew exactly what they were talking about and what it was referring to. She said it was hotdogs. She also said that Bandon was way better than Brookings. Our original plans had been to backtrack and have lunch in Brookings. Instead of going back, especially given it was an active forest fire scene, we went with the more-coast-detour. Going to Bandon instead.

Before we headed out on the road, Brent went out on the river, I stayed behind, reading on the porch and enjoying the lavender. It was so nice and relaxing. Until I heard a loud mechanical buzzing. I was immediately worried that it was a giant hornet. Nope, it was a hummingbird. Off in the distance above the river I saw a giant bird soaring. He had a dark body and a white head and perched atop a tree top. It had to be a bald eagle. No sooner had I gone back to my book, I heard a loud squawking at my feet. I looked down over the railing and saw a scrub jay with a cute little mowhawk. He flew up to the railing of a planter holder on the balcony above me. He was scratching his head against the railing. Was he waiting for Nutter Butter crumbs?! How could he tell from there?!

Bandon was the exact same as Brookings (which we had driven through yesterday). Why had the server been trash-talking it?! The only “world famous” sign we saw was for Langlois and it was in the previous town, south of there. We craned our necks but saw no hotdog stands or restaurants or even signs. We google and got nothing. At the Smith Creek Covered Bridge rest stop I opened the car door and was greeted by a super friendly dog. He was so cool, he was on the road with his owners in a converted school bus. The rest stop had a bathroom as well, always a plus. Turns out the covered bridge is where teens go to write really shitty graffiti.

For lunch we stopped at the same In N Out burger as yesterday in Grants Pass. SO. DAMN. GOOD. Yes, we had eaten it three days in a row, and yes I would argue to go on like this forever. I had asked for the burger sauce on the side, to try dipping fries. They didn’t, so instead I just dipped my fries in the burger sauce on my burger. It was pretty good, better than ketchup, but not better than animal style. We also stopped at a gas station for beers, they had a giant billboard for their newly renovated beer fridge. I was not impressed.

We got to the hotel just after 3pm. We were staying on the Crater Lake Highway, basically a waypoint for tomorrow because the lodge in the park was fully booked up. It was too early for good TV so I read my book. It also felt too early for drinking. Eventually Bob’s Burgers came on. We drove to 7-Eleven for snacks and iced coffee for tomorrow morning. There was a guy in there who was an expert on 7-Eleven coupons and deals, arguing with the cashier that at the “other 7-Eleven” they do it that way. I also requested a pit stop to Dairy Queen. The snickerdoodle cookie dough mini was perfect and really hit the spot. Back in the room, Bob’s Burgers wasn’t on. Now it was American Dad. As soon as I switched the channel all was well, it was time for Nick @ Nite, aka I watch Friends until it’s time to go to sleep. Seinfeld was on the other channel so it took the lead, with Friends during commercials because Seinfeld would be less episodes than Friends. The 2 Towns strawberry lemonade cider was ok, but tasted kind of too fake. The Ruffles smokehouse BBQ and Doritos salsa verde were so good. The Swedish Fish & Friends weren’t as good as I had remembered them being. It was a paltry day for steps, but I had also not taken my phone with me everywhere: 795.

 

Oregon Coast Is Underrated- Day 4

Sat. Sept 9, 2023 Ashland to Gold Beach, OR

I only had an ok sleep, getting 8.5hours of sleep (the horror!), but I couldn’t sleep any more. We drove to Dutch Bros. Coffee just down the road. Apparently, this was an Oregon drive-thru chain? I’d never heard of it, but now I had to try it. I had no idea that Oregon was so obsessed with small drive-thru coffee kiosks. I ordered the caramel pumpkin cold brew and it was amazing. Brent had ordered a mocha, except when the girl was going to hand it to him, she tripped, spilling it all down the side of the (white) car. She was ok, but so embarrassed and apologetic. We laughed, Brent said it’s a rental car so no worries.

We still had time to kill, nothing was open yet. I leisurely drank my coffee while online shopping at Macy’s and playing the movie grid game, periodically going back to my book. Trader Joe’s was our first stop, I refilled on spices and got a sturdy canvas tote bag. I also got a strawberry lemonade tall can cider, but they didn’t have any single beers. I didn’t have much luck at Macy’s, there were some nice things but not in my size. It did set me off on a hunt for purple Levi’s though (still no luck). I did find a purple t-shirt with a front knot on clearance.

We drove 30 minutes to a different In N Out (vs the one that was in the same parking lot as the Macy’s). Both because it was too early for lunch and for a change of scenery… and so I could see if they had a different stock of merchandise, I was not impressed with the t-shirt they had at the previous location. But they had the same stock. This time we had regular fries, which only solidified my love of animal-style. Regular was still really good, but oh man that topping. There was a Human Bean drive-thru coffee kiosks a few doors down, another chain I had no idea existed previous to this trip. I ordered a pumpkin “snowy” which I think was an iced blended coffee, it should have caffeine in it? Or was it just coffee-like? I wasn’t sure. It was not as good as Dutch Bros, it was a touch too sweet. I had made my alliance: Dutch Bros or bust in the land of no Dunkin.

We were driving on the Redwood Highway, there was no direct route to our hotel, we had to take a roundabout way, dipping into California. Instead of just heading straight east, where it was tiny access roads and not very navigable (even the hotel had emailed about it). There were some baby turkeys on the side of the road among the redwoods. It wasn’t enough though, I was starting to fall asleep. CALIFORNIA!

All around us were remnants of the recent forest fires, the air still smelled smoky and there were cut down trees and everything was covered in sawdust. There were signs that the National Forest was closed due to wildfire danger. There was an Arizona fire van and we started to wonder, are they helping with the aftermath or is it still ongoing? Soon we saw small pockets of smoke. And we drove by the basecamp. This was definitely still happening. As we turned back north there was low-hanging fog among the enormous redwoods, it seemed so ominous.

We passed a giant billboard for All-Star Liquor, claiming to be the 8^th wonder of the world. As soon as we crossed back into Oregon the first thing we saw was a billboard for a pot store. I was in need of more caffeine. We stopped at Dutch Bros and I got another pumpkin caramel crème brulee cold brew. I’d only been two times and I now had a regular order, I had no inclination to try anything else, this was so damn good. It would prove to be my undoing. Too much sugar and too much dairy, three fancy coffees is too much for my poor body. I had a few sips and then hoped our room had a fridge for the rest of it.

In Brookings we stopped to go down to the beach. It was low tide (it always seemed to be) and the rocks were above the waterline. It was very scenic, and then I noticed a starfish on one rock, soon I kept spotting more. They were just chilling there, periodically getting hit by waves. There were also two dead birds and part of a third one.  Thank god there were bathrooms across the road, my poor stomach was not happy. The next scenic overlook was very foggy and we couldn’t really see much. Indian Sands Beach had a trail down to the beach but it was so steep going down that I turned around a quarter of the way there. I saw a banana slug on my way back to the car and my book.

I had taken a Gravol and by the time we got to Gold Beach visitors centre I was dizzy. Not great, even worse, the bathrooms were closed for the season. At least there were port-a-potties. I’d never been so happy to see one. I flew too close to the sun with iced coffees and my aging body was not having it. We decided to leave some of the scenic overlooks for the next day, it was super foggy and there were no views. At House Rock, which had been stop #2, all we saw was fog. No rock, no nothing.

We pulled into the parking lot of our hotel, Tututlan Lodge and there were deer and a buck grazing on what looked like a putting green. And turkeys too. It was an odd scene. When we checked in, we found out that they were regulars on the green. There were no cookies left at the “tea & cookies” and no mint tea. Later I saw a sign that said it was actually an “iced tea & cookies” hour, my bad. We walked the grounds, saw a nice river, played some golf despite the wildlife. I felt so unnatural swinging the club. I wasn’t feeling bocce ball, plus how could I follow when Brent threw a perfect shot? We went back to the refreshments and grabbed some sodas from the mini fridge for later.

We had some time before dinner, drinking and reading on the porch. The neighbours were drinking and chatting. Except they were super weird, is it an inevitability of getting old? Also: were we the youngest people here? There was a loud bell toll calling us for pre-dinner hors d’oeuvres. It was odd though because it was only 6:15 and dinner wasn’t until 7pm. I did not want to socialize with boomers. We opted to wait a little, I had a second cider and kept reading my book. I periodically could smell lavender and didn’t realize until I got up that there was a whole row of it planted by the edge. Oops.

At the happy hour it was unclear if the drinks were free or not. I had the “beekeeper” which had local honey and lemon and gin. For snacks, they had tortilla chips with mango salsa, it was a bit awkward to eat. Fancy jalapeno poppers and elk sausage with cheese. They were so good, I ate so many. Just before 7pm there was an announcement about dinner. We ran back to the room, I wanted to leave my purse and use the bathroom.

Dinner was family style. Because we had run back to the room, we were the last ones to be seated. There were four empty chairs, brent went to sit at one but it was clearly marked by a purse. We were at the other table. We were joined by three other couples. All of them were retired, one lady had a son who was retired. I was briefly distracted trying to do the math. One couple said they were celebrating their 45^th anniversary, the next said 46^th. The age gap was so prominent. Things started off like they would be interesting, a retired marine biologist and a lady who worked in the sheriff’s office! I was so ready for awesome stories. Whatever interesting stories they may have had from their lines of work, they did not share them with us. Everyone was so boring. Because we’d had drinks in the room beforehand (Brent had three beers, I’d had two ciders) and then a bar drink each during pre-dinner, we had a generous head start on our dining companions. They asked me what was in the cocktail I had ordered, all I could answer was blackberry puree and some kind of alcohol? I had no idea. Someone else said it was Cointreau, I had stopped reading the menu after I saw blackberry puree which was the first thing listed. The first course was an asparagus soup with white beans, there were chopped onions in the bottom of the soup bowl. It was delicious and I made a note to look up a recipe for it later. The salad was kale with prosciutto and breaded anchovies topped with parmesan shavings. For the main dish I had steak with black garlic and onions, Brent had the Cornish hen. The steak won by a landslide. I was saved from having to eat cauliflower because they were also family style (the mains were the only things served individually). Dessert was NY-style cheesecake with blackberry puree. Everything was amazing, the steak was a wow.

During dinner we also found out that two of the other couples had been at the performance of Romeo & Juliet and were just as dismayed as I was. I had gone in expecting classic Shakespeare, they said it was never like this. They said it had been the worst ever, and they were regulars.

I was so tired, it was barely even 9pm, I had only done 5275 steps and yet I was ready to sleep like the dead.

 

Oregon Coast Is Underrated- Day 3

Fri. Sept 8, 2023 Gleneden to Ashland, OR

I had another solid 10 hours of sleep. My body needed it. I actually slept well! We went down to the gift/snack shop for coffee. On the way we passed a display case about the shops across the road. Apparently, they were owned by the hotel. So much for alternate dining options. Plus, they didn’t open until 11am, aka three hours from now. Hard pass. When I ordered coffee, the lady pointed behind me and said it was free in the morning for hotel guests. Oops. In my defense they could have made it clearer. I was ordering food too so it worked out, we ordered what looked like an éclair topped with mini M&Ms…. except it wasn’t filled. WHO DOES THAT?! It was tasty yes, but that much solid donut needs filling to offset texture. I wasn’t even all that hungry, I did not feel like eating. I was still so bloated.

We walked around the grounds. There were quite a few people out on the driving range. We debated a round but decided against it. One ball had been hit clear over the fence, quite impressive. There were no bean bags for cornhole. The tennis courts were indoors and we were unsure if they were even open. The website said only tennis shoes were allowed, so much for playing pickle ball.

We packed up early and headed out. We would take a detour and drive along the coast. Beautiful coastal views vs playing games, it was an obvious choice. We stopped at Otter Crest Loop. From the car the view didn’t seem that great. But we got out anyways. And immediately, Brent spotted a spray of water off in the distance. Whatever it was had just breached a little. We could just see the top of the back/head, a little black lump. A giant group of pelicans flew by. Right before getting in the car, I saw the tip of a whale tail just above the water but it was still not a full breach, just skimming. The tide had been low and we could see a lot of rocky outcroppings, but no otters. We looked up the name of the overlook and it turns out there hadn’t been otters there for many, many years.

Up next was the Yaquina Head Lighthouse & “Outstanding Natural Area”. They didn’t lie, the views were amazing and we saw a lot of wildlife. I was super excited to see pelicans and down below we could see harbour seals lounging on rocks. Little did I know, we would get a closer view of them. We followed the path down to the tide pools (we had a lot of luck with low tides) and now we could see even more. Once you spotted one harbour seal, suddenly a whole bunch came into view. They were splashing around and snorting. There were cormorants just chilling on rocks. On the other side of the lighthouse there were so many pelicans, they had taken over the rocks. One was screaming like a baby. The lighthouse was open for tours but it was only during a 45minute period and the line was ten people deep for the last tour. At first the tide pool had smelled like ocean but as we made our way along the beach(?) it started smelling like wet dog. It was hard to walk because it was all smooth, wet rocks. It was like a pebbled-cobblestone path, but wet and covered in kelp and seaweed to make it even more difficult to traverse. I had forgotten to bring my phone, but we had walked 1.5 miles according to the sign. I never did translate that into steps.

We stopped at Walmart for my usual supply run. I got cinnamon baking chips, Butterfinger baking bits, white chocolate pudding and Dunkin’ Donuts pumpkin spice coffee. I grabbed a 6-pack of Incline cider, “marionberry” flavour. It sounded Oregon-ian. We also got a bag of Tina’s potato chips because apparently these are local chips? They were ok. I preferred the mini Butterfingers. The double Nutter Butters were a lie, at most they were 1.25x, if that. There was no sign of the Old Bay Goldfish crackers, which I had finally remembered to look for. The people in line ahead of us at Walmart were taking forever and they were not even helping bag their purchases, we bailed and found another line. As we were leaving, they were still gathering up their stuff. We stopped at a Starbucks for more refueling. I was seriously in love with the pumpkin cream cold brew. It was inside a grocery store… that sold dry ice?!

Even with some buildings closed, the Oregon Coast Aquarium was pretty cool. They actually lived up to their name, focusing on creatures from the Oregon Coast. We saw turkey vultures, one was being so cute scritching himself. The puffins were also adorable, even though they were stinky. They even had an aquarium tunnel, as you walked through it you passed through three areas of the Oregon coast. We saw rockfish and sturgeons, and later some sharks. The pacific octopus was awesome, until the volunteer went off the rails. She started out telling us about how intelligent they are, telling stories from labs that I’d heard before. That was ok. But then she started saying how odd octopuses are…maybe they have alien DNA… ok no. We had to walk away. It was so cringe-y, but we looked like heroes, letting the children in to see. We couldn’t see the otters, they were all hiding, one swam by quickly but that was just a blip. We went back at 1pm for the otter feeding. All 3 were out and staying in one spot. They were adorable and it was so sad to hear that they were extinct in the wild along the coast. The harbour seal was swimming and then he launched himself out of the water and on land he belly-crawled forward and it was such a drastic change than when he’d been swimming.

From the car: I saw a pelican on the beach. He tipped his head back, mouth wide open then closed as he swallowed. It was so cool to see but also funny to see, literally cramming it down his gullet. The Devil’s Churn scenic overlook was a tiny inlet of water pushing in against the rock overtime. It lived up to its name, the water in that tiny space was churning so violently. We had beautiful coastal views especially because of the mist from the waves crashing against the shore. We stopped at another viewpoint but it was more of a beach access. Heceta Head Lighthouse was a top-rated thing to see in Florence, OR. It was a beautiful beach with cliffs and caves in the cliffs. We walked up the path to the lighthouse for more beautiful views. Except. It was marred. The place was overrun by teens on a school trip. The teacher was younger than me, which just made me feel even older as I grumpily thought the kids were way too loud. He also kind of blended in with them.

We drove by giant sand dunes. On the map we saw Oregon Dunes Overlook, totally worth the 10-minute detour. The scenery was gorgeous, I had no idea that Oregon had sand dunes along the coast. It was also a welcome bathroom break. There was a road sign for the Elk Viewing Area. From the road we could see a cow… and then all around it elk just lounging! We didn’t even have to stop at the view point to see it, though I did regret not being able to get a picture of it. I was starting to drift off to sleep.

Dinner was at In N Out burger. I had seen it on google maps when we were planning the trip. I got so excited about the prospect of it. Except we drove by two before we got to that one. I was so hungry. All we’d had for lunch was Gatorade, chips and mini Butterfingers. I started worrying, what if the In N Out I had found was closed, would be backtrack 20-40 minutes?! Thankfully it did not come to that. I was rejuvenated by the pink lemonade and the perfection that is a double-double animal style.

We had 30 minutes in the hotel to relax before heading out. Except it was more like 10 minutes by the time I had settled and changed. I had to chug the rest of my cider, the marionberry was ok. We were going to see Romeo & Juliet at the Shakespeare festival. I was expecting a classy night out. I brought my Nike hoodie, but I would remove it once we got to the theatre. I ended up leaving it on, both because the interior was frigid, but also because I was super, SUPER, overdressed. We had arrived early, assuming parking would be a nightmare. It wasn’t. At least we had time to grab a drink? This place was running a racket. If you wanted to take your drink to your seat, you had to pay an extra $3 for a souvenir cup. That was a drop in the bucket compared to how much Brent accidentally tipped, 10x what he had intended, paying almost double for a beer and a cider. Bend Cider on tap was pretty damn good. When we had been in line to get in, it was all older people sort of nicely dressed. Once inside, I had no idea where they all went. Because it was ALL grungy hipsters. In line I had also overheard someone say that the production was just over 3 hours long. WHAT?! We got to our seats and I was even more shocked. No one had drinks, literally just us. The stage was set with an urban scene? With graffiti? Baz Luhrman had already done this!!! It was a contemporary setting, but with most of the original text with just a few modern flourishes?! I was not happy. I thought for sure we would be leaving at intermission. Everyone around us kept reacting to things and I was so confused. Brent was enjoying (?) it, so we stayed to the end. All I can say is: AUGH. I still hate Shakespeare. Some of the acting was good. The highlights of the performance for me were: the cider and the free wifi. I was so tired, having walked 6114 steps plus the 1.5miles I hadn’t counted. I needed sleep and to forget all about Shakespeare. I had been bamboozled.

 

Oregon Coast Is Underrated- Day 2

Thurs. Sept 7, 2023 Portland to Gleneden, OR

It turns out that Tiny Coffee was just one of many businesses in that plaza. The sign was very confusing, they could have made it clearer that those were all separate places. Not a coffee-spirits-yoga place. I had no idea what to expect going in because we didn’t figure it out until we were inside and waiting for our drinks. We had more time to look at the mural and we deduced it. It was a very hipster/Portland coffee shop. There was art on the walls for sale. It was actually quite reasonably priced and I was tempted to buy some. One looked like a goth version of Pete The Cat. The vanilla pistachio latte was so good, it actually tasted like pistachios. I traded halfway with Brent for his lavender white mocha, also really good. We split a buttered & toasted sea salt bagel. It was delicious, I had seen a sign for that bagel company the previous day and it confused me to no end. Why did the sign say “boiled”? Of course, the bagel is boiled. All bagels are boiled. That is what makes them bagels.

We were back on the road again. And somehow, we were now in WASHINGTON state?! Turns out we were cutting across the very bottom corner of it. Off in the distance I saw a giant snow-capped mountain, it had to Mt. St. Helens. It was disappearing into the clouds and towering over the whole landscape. It was confirmed when I saw a sign for the visitor’s centre. Alas there was no way of knowing how far off the road it would be so we didn’t go. We drove by a logging yard and then we were back in OREGON.

Astoria was a cute little town we drove through. We drove over a giant bridge over a super wide portion of the Columbia River, where it meets the ocean. We had to drive two blocks just to get to the on-ramp to the bridge. And just like that we were back in WASHINGTON. This had to be a record for us.

We were driving to the Lewis & Clark Interpretive Centre and Cape Disappointment. The name slayed me. We pulled into the parking lot and there was no sign of the Centre. There were toilets though, so no complaints here. We started up the road while I searched the map for directions to the lighthouse. We saw a sign for the lighthouse and the centre but poorly located on the road. How was anyone supposed to find that?! It should have been earlier. The museum was awesome. We learned a lot about the expedition. I had no idea that they had a whole crew with them. Those guys never get mentioned. At one point they had to eat their candles. Their diaries were full of complaints. They ate one of their horses. The whole 18 months sounded downright miserable and truly horrible. Moreso than I had ever imagined.

It was an uphill walk to the lighthouse and my poor legs were not having it. Between all the walking the previous day, and now sitting in the car for a few hours. We had nice views of the water and of the Oregon coast off in the distance. We saw no wildlife except for a small bird in a tree. I was tired and dehydrated.

Back in the car we had a better episode of SYSK Short Stuff: How Reservations Work. They even had a new bumper song. But I was struggling to stay awake. Back to OREGON! Fort Clatsop was where Lewis & Clark had overwintered. There re-creation of the lodge based on planning drawings. They had bunk beds and a fireplace in their log cabins. It was a lot of the same info as at the previous museum. It was more focused on their journey overall versus the time they spent camped out here. We saw a GIANT sitka spruce tree.

Driving along the coast we would periodically enter a tsunami danger zone, then go around a bend and be “safe” then back in the danger zone. We stopped at a Starbucks and I was revived with a pumpkin spice cold foam cold brew. Why did I not order these all the time?! It was delicious and actual coffee. And if that didn’t wake me up, nothing would. Just for good measure I got a cookies & crème cake pop as well. We drove to the start of a hiking trail. The original plan had been that Brent hikes the trail and I drive to the other end of it. Never mind that I haven’t driven in close to 10 years, since I drove for the exam getting my license. On Google Maps it had seemed ok. But we were short on time, so instead Brent hiked a little and came back. The trail was too difficult for me so I opted for staying in the car and reading. I had finally gotten the Lisa Jewell book the night before and I was already pulled in. I had my coffee too, it was all very nice. As we drove to the end of the trail it quickly became apparent that if I had to drive it would have been a nightmare. The road had twists, there were on-ramps, and it was fast at one point. It would have been a white-knuckle ride for me. Thank god we took 1.5 hrs in the Interpretive Centre, way longer than had been expected.

Brent hiked the trail while I kept reading. I did get out of the car and look at Indian Beach and the coast and the cliffs… then ran back to my book. After that we continued on to Cannon Beach. Mo’s Seafood was there, we were going to have a late lunch (4pm, almost dinner really). First we walked up the beach and had a look at the giant rocky outcroppings, no sign of the cougar that had been there a few weeks before. It was beautiful and scenic and so many cute dogs. The ocean was so cold, I dipped a few toes and that was all. After that I just walked in the sand, it felt quite nice. Haystack Rock was the main attraction. There were no puffins, just traces of them (read: poop). You could see why they liked it, so protected. We saw a washed up jellyfish on the beach.

I left my camera in the car before heading to lunch. There was a weird lady in the parking lot. She took a picture of her foot and her nails, then redid it with her belt bag in the picture. I was very confused. Then I saw her in line in front of us at Mo’s, waiting to be seated. The service was so fast, but the food was so good and fresh. Were in and out in 25 minutes. While we waited for our food, Brent changed our dinner reservation from 6pm to 7:30pm. The Northwest Winds Riesling I had was actually pretty good, which is surprising because I don’t normally think of Oregon wine as a thing. To start we had Oregon Bay oyster shooters. They came in little shot glasses with a dash of tabasco sauce. It was delicious. Brent had the clam strips (so good!) and an Oregon Bay shrimp salad that was really just shrimp piled atop cabbage. I had the “slumgullion” which was clam chowder topped with Oregon Bay shrimp. The bread bowl would have been too much and I’m glad I didn’t go that route. It was the perfect lunch dish. Hearty, warm and filling. It was also the perfect thing to put me to sleep alongside the wine: carb-heaving, warm comfort food and alcohol is a recipe for doziness.

We had a 2-hr drive ahead of us to the Salashin Coast Lodge. There was a road sign for a “wildlife viewing area” but those were always disappointments so we didn’t stop and it looked like just a parking lot. Plus, we could see it from the road. A little further on, in the bay there was an island with elk grazing and beautiful hills in the background. THAT should have been the wildlife viewing area. We were driving on the 101 aka the PCH but it wasn’t called that up here. Is PCH just a California thing?

We drove by Tillamook Creamery and the line for the restaurant was out the door and around the building. We also passed by a place called Pig N Stack, the logo was a pig holding a stack of pancakes, except the restaurant served steak and seafood?! (This wasn’t an error, we saw a few more during our trip).

We were having dinner at The Attic, a restaurant in our hotel. We dropped our stuff and headed out. Nothing, and I mean nothing, on the menu sounded good. There was no theme, just a mish-mash of all sorts of unrelated dishes. This was a rarity. The local salmon was the only appetizing sounding dish, if you ignored the accompanying asparagus. I debated getting the Thai chicken bowl but at the last minute switched to the jalapeno mac & cheese because it came with Tillamook cheddar. It was a horrible dish. The Tillamook cheddar was just a sprinkling on top. The noodles were drowning in way too much cheese sauce, and there were no garlic croutons to save me. I started eating the noodles near the top, and trying to scrape off/drain as much as the cheese sauce as I could. I ate about half and gave up. When she asked if I wanted it boxed, I firmly said no. the kitchen should see how little I ate and get a sense of how bad it was. Thankfully the lemon honey lavender cocktail was good, and a nice palate cleanser. I had a sip of Brent’s red wine from the Willamette Valley. It was ok. His second was a white cab sauv from Rouge Valley and it was horrible. It tasted like Lake Ontario.

In the gift/snack shop of our hotel, Brent got some local singles of beer and I got a sour cream donut, still trying to get the horrible tastes out of my mouth and something in my stomach to sop up the mess. The cider I had back in the room was doing most of the heavy lifting. We turned on the fire place for warmth. I was so bloated, I just sat there waiting for the stomach troubles to begin. Friends was on as a bedtime story, and made for a good distraction. In the night my stomach gurgled, I started feeling like I was going to throw up but it passed.

15, 227 steps and one miserable stomach

 

Oregon Coast Is Underrated- Day 1

Wed. Sept 6, 2023 Toronto, ON to Minneapolis, MN to Portland, OR

The previous day was a bit frustrating. I had trouble checking in because my name had been misspelled (I’m surprised it doesn’t happen more often in general, it is actually quite rare). Thankfully, Brent was able to call the airline and get it fixed. I was annoyed that we had to download an app to check-in, why?! You’re not going to become my exclusive airline due to this. Stop trying.

The 3:30am wake-up felt brutal, even Brent was drinking Red Bull. It had been unbearably hot all night, I went to bed at 10pm and barely slept. I chugged the peach Red Bull on the way to the airport. We took a Lyft and we were out at such an odd hour, we passed a hooker still working/waiting for her ride at the end of the night? Who can say.

The airport was empty, I mean it was a Wednesday after the school year started, so it made sense. We got split up at security. I was on autopilot, I got through and headed straight to customs. After a few minutes of waiting in line I realized that Brent was not in the line. Was he still back at security? Should I be polite and wait for him? I shuffled forward and eventually saw him join the line, about 30 people behind me. At customs I kept saying “we” which caused some confusion. I explained I’d left my husband behind, I was in desperate need of Starbucks and was not going to get to the back of the line to join him. She had a good laugh at that. She also pointed out that I had hair stuck behind my glasses after removing them for the photo, she said it would be driving her nuts. I was too tired to even notice.

Brent caught up to me soon after. He too had an odd border experience, taking the assumed pose for the photo and not understanding when the agent kept saying to relax about it, that he in fact meant that wasn’t happening. Or something like that. I wasn’t there. At Starbucks I got a caramel ribbon crunch frappucino, that way I didn’t have to worry about it cooling down. Cold drinks make the perfect airplane drink.

While we waited there was a crying child and two annoying ladies with twins. This did not bode well for our flight. I was way too tired for this. We were flying on a small airplane to Minneapolis and then catching a connecting flight to Portland. We had to walk on the tarmac to the plane. Except it was dark out, and there were no employees. We were just told to follow the line. I could easily see a dummy stepping closer to the plane for a selfie. We also debated how far we could run before we got caught (can you tell we are GTA fans?). We ended up sitting in the plane, ready to go, for 20 minutes because the runway doesn’t actually open until 6:30am.

The first flight was only 1.5hrs and I slept for at least some of it. That was inevitable. Albeit it was a sad light sleep and not very restful. I had just gotten a 7-day loan of The Only One Left by Riley Sager so I was rushing to finish it, thank goodness the seats didn’t have TVs. I was about 56% done the book and it expired in a day. It was a mad rush to finish. There was someone on our flight not just coughing, but seriously hacking up a lung. It sounded like if the dog from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation had TB.

We had a short layover in Minneapolis. I did not enjoy the landing, it was a bit rough due to strong winds. It had been so boiling hot at Pearson airport, and now the Minneapolis airport was too cold. We had about an hour in the airport but it was confusing because we had shifted time zones. I hustled to Dunkin’ Donuts, my only chance for a quick reunion with my beloved. The iced pumpkin latte was everything I had dreamed it would be, and officially kicked off the PSL season. It was also coffee/caffeine #3 of the day. I had seen an Auntie Anne’s but it was a little further down and I didn’t want to risk it. Brent had already gotten Chik-Fil-A on our way to the waiting area. I was not in the mood for a chicken breakfast and one stolen bite confirmed that. I was in the mood for a good muffin, but the McDonald’s inexplicably didn’t have muffins. As soon as I mentioned the pretzels, Brent set off. Oops.

I had assumed that the second flight would also be short, hour and a half? Two? Nope. It was three hours. Inexplicably, the in-flight entertainment included Peloton videos. I finished my book in the first hour. I was too tired to start another, plus you need a break in between. I was going to open my next book and just set the bookmark, but to my horror I saw that the 7-day loan I had gotten the previous day, Lisa Jewell’s new book None of This Is True hadn’t worked! Shit. I was really in the mood for it too. And was so happy I wouldn’t have to wait weeks (months, really) to get it. I wasn’t planning on reading during the flight, but I was still annoyed that my loan hadn’t downloaded. Instead, I sucked it up and finally watched Mamma Mia 2. I had to get over my “it’s too sad to watch” feelings and finally confirm if this is still the case, or if in the future I can watch both back-to-back. Still sad. I don’t think I can binge it like I do the first one. I had just enough time to watch an episode of Friends after the movie ended. Except they only had season nine?! On the second flight I had gotten the cookies, on the first I had gone with the Sun Chips only to see that the cookie was my (other) beloved Biscoff! Brent was nice enough to go halfsies with me, despite his dislike of Sun Chips (chivalry is not dead, it is alive and well).

We had a much smoother landing in Portland, on the way in we had a great view of Mt. Hood. The airport was confusing, the signs to the rental car place were poorly marked. We had a confusing Audi mini-SUV. My seat was too far forward and I struggled longer than I care to admit to adjust it. At least the seats were heated so it balanced out in the end.

We drove to some scenic nature spots because the airport was east of the city, where all the nice stuff is. The day centered around the Columbia Gorge. Should be called GORGEous. The day was going to be filled with waterfalls and scenic overlooks. And some Lewis & Clark stuff. Our first stop was the oddly named Portland Women’s Scenic Viewpoint. We could see the gorge, the river and the Vista House, which just happened to be the next stop on our route. It was a bit of a mindfuck for me, and had very little to do with my sleep-deprived, caffeinated, time-messed up brain. We had seen it across the vista/valley/IN the scenic viewpoint across the way. Except we drove to it just down the road?! My brain couldn’t comprehend that we didn’t go over a bridge, or on a bunch of curvy roads. It didn’t feel right. Instead of being across the way, it was just around one bend? Doesn’t matter. It was a pretty thing to look at, despite how odd it was. A house in the arc of a switchback, in the bend of the road. The house (museum?) itself wasn’t open so we were limited to the views from the sidewalk and the steps.

Latourell Falls was amazing, it was just a straight line of water dropping down, no rocks jutting out, no pools, nothing. Just a skinny, long, straight drop. We hiked up a little, 0.1mi according to the sign, to a viewpoint. From there it was another 0.8mi to “top of the falls” but it didn’t really seem worth it. The best views seemed to be from down below, a quick search confirmed this. Back down! On the way we had the choice of taking some switchbacks or climbing up a tiny cliff-face. I called the latter “the monkey way.” No thank you. On the way back down, I saw a phone on the ground. I was saying to Brent that I thought someone had lost their phone, as I looked up and saw some girls who responded that no it’s ok it’s their phone. Why would you just leave it on the ground like that?! To climb around off the trail no less. On the other side of the sign was a walkway down to the base of the falls. I had seen people down below from the 0.1mi spot. It was a nice nature trail along the river’s edge down to the bottom. The more we thought about it (still for some reason) the more it made sense we hadn’t gone to the top, we would still have to come back down. This was much better. Plus, I was wearing sandals and one of my flowy Aritzia skirts (was this becoming a thing now?)

Multnomah Falls was apparently THE scenic overlook of the Historic Columbia Gorge Highway. We were worried about finding a parking spot, and were fifth in line when a car beside us started pulling out. Brent had to backup to let them out… and then slid into the spot, smooth. This waterfall had a restaurant, museum, bathrooms and even a snack and coffee kiosk. In my book the espresso kiosk is listed as SAVIOUR. We had a beautiful view of the falls from the base. Then we climbed to a bridge and got a halfway view, which was cool because you could also look down. From the kiosk I ordered a white mocha with marshmallow flavouring and I could not resist getting a giant (literally the size of my head, there are pictures to prove it) chocolate chip cookie.

Driving to the Bridge of Gods we saw a sign for Oneonate Gorge but it was too late and we missed the parking. It hadn’t been on the list anyways. We saw a glimpse of it, a tunnel cut into a rock. We saw a sign for Horsetail Falls. That had originally been planned for the way back but made more sense to do now. It lived up to its name, looking like a ponytail. I also took a photo of the cookie in front of my face there. We saw the same two weiner dogs we had seen at Latourell Falls. It seems everyone was doing the same route. We listened to SYSK about “Fake Syndrome K”, not a good episode.

As we left the parking lot, Brent seemed to take a wrong turn. But actually, he was headed us back to the gorge! It was so cool, a hole-tunnel through the rock that used to be the road before it got expanded. The gorge itself had unique plants that weren’t found anywhere else because of the conditions. It was still recovering from a past forest fire. All around that area, the tops of the mountains(?) had bare trees, slowly coming back from the fires. It looked like a head with sparse stubble. The giant cookie and the mocha (coffee #4) fortified me. Of course, the coffee would, it was a white mocha with marshmallow flavour.

The Bridge of Gods was something I had read about in the Toronto Star as a Portland must-see. It was an old suspension toll bridge over the Columbia River. It was scenic to look at but didn’t make sense to drive over because we’d be coming right back and have to pay a double toll. The view was OF the bridge, not FROM the bridge. Adding to the scenic beauty was a scrub jay in a tree.

Our last stop was the Bonneville Dam. I wasn’t sure what to expect. It was still only 2pm (but actually it was 5pm back home). The dam was way cooler than expected. We had barely pulled into the parking lot and there was an osprey soaring overhead. There was a fish ladder to help the salmon get past the dam. We could see it outside, looking down and seeing the fish sort of hop up. They did it so fluidly and it made it look effortless.  But we could also watch from down below via viewing windows. They had a measuring stick along the window edge so you could see how big the salmon were. They also had an identifying guide so you could tell what you were looking at. Multiple old people commented on the fish being their dinner.

The osprey dove into the water but came up empty. It was still awesome to see. We walked over to the hydroelectric dam building. The giant turbines were enclosed, I was hoping to see the water actually rushing. There was a lot of info on how electricity is generated there and I still barely (if at all) grasp it. From there we drove to the Lewis & Clark Recreation Park. I really had no idea what to expect here, a camp ground? Info centre? Trails? Scenic looks? It was just a name grab for a plain park. There was an info panel about their journey and a note about how they had tried to cross the nearby river but it was like quicksand. So, they named it the Sandy River and moved on.

On the GPS map I could see that there was an outlet mall across the street (?) but it had been a long day and we still had to get to the hotel.

Driving into Portland, I was not impressed. We were so close to the hotel and it felt like we had barely entered the city. There was an LRT, some encampments and lots of graffiti. In the hotel parking lot, I spotted an Environment Canada car with British Colombia plates. What the heck were they doing all the way down here? They were either at a conference or this was an egregious misuse of a company-issued vehicle. At check-in, the lady asked us if we were here for the conference. Nope. She also told us that we had just missed the cold & rainy weather, we joked that we needed it because we were escaping the Toronto heatwave (which apparently had followed us).

We dropped our stuff and immediately headed back out for dinner. I was hungry and tired. We had a reservation at Ecliptic Brewing and we were going to be early. The walk was not the best. We saw 4 sketchy people. One lady was dragging her bags to an RV and just yelling at no one and nothing. One guy came out of an apartment building and just peed right there in the middle of the sidewalk. A mail carrier was walking along smoking a cigarette. Then we had to walk under an overpass. At some point the sidewalk ended. Along the way we did see a few Portland-esque houses. And some Portland-esque people. All on bikes of course. The first two were young hipsters. The third was an older man with a long sleeve flannel buttoned all the way up to his neck and just covered in tattoos.

The brewery was on the edge between an industrial area and a gentrified condo-filled area. The place was empty. Yet the service was SO SLOW. There was one employee. It was a good 20 minutes between our getting seated and our order being taken. I ordered the “adult” (???) grilled cheese because it had Tillamook cheddar which is a local cheese company. The soup of the day had changed, it wasn’t corn chowder but instead the more appropriate creamy tomato jalapeno. She was so apologetic about the change and worried I wouldn’t like it. What’s not to like?! It was delicious. I made a note in my phone to look up a recipe. I had a glass of the Carina sour peach. It was surprisingly good and I drank the whole beer. I did wish they did flights or something smaller than 16oz because after one I was done. Brent had ordered a weird dish. It was fried rice with seaweed and a bacon terrine. But the fried rice and seaweed had been shaped into a triangle and used as “bread” for a bacon terrine “sandwich.” It was hard to eat, and some parts were ok. It goes without saying that we did not swap. It was another 15 minutes after we finished before our plates even got cleared and brent could order another beer. The weird part is that our food arrived so fast. That was the shortest wait of all of the waits! Needless to say, we did not visit the bottle shop after that slow experience. We also didn’t order dessert, but that is because we were going ot Blue Star Donuts (another Toronto Star recommendation). What we did not realize was that this location closed earlier than the other. What kind of donut shop closes at 5pm?! Alas I would be dessert-less.

We stopped at a liquor store on the way back, taking a non-under-the-overpass route instead. Expect it was an actual liquor store. No beer, no cider, no wine, just the hard stuff. We backtracked two doors down to a convenience store we had just passed. They didn’t have singles, I got a 6-pack of 2Towns Brightcider. It was an Oregon cider made with Pippin Netwon apples. I had debated the raspberry one but it was 8% and I wasn’t sure if it had Oregon raspberries. There was also Incline Strawberry cider but that felt kind of iffy and like I would only want one can.

It was a long, slow, tired walk back to the hotel.  Time seemed to be stretching forever because of the 3-hour time difference. I was so tired and confused by it that I could have sworn we were closing in on 24hrs awake (it was closer to 20-21 in the end). The long and short of it was that we had been awake since midnight current time. A nice lady complimented my skirt. We passed by a food truck court. There was a girl looking at discarded stuff at the curb, including a flowy skirt. I kind of secretly hoped that she would see me pass by in my flowy skirt and feel inspired. A guy with face and head tattoos wearing a mask as a chin diaper passed us by. I was very confused. I also got really excited seeing a cat but he was chilling on the lawn so I let him be. I saw what I thought was a sidewalk sign for a second location of a chain of liquor stores? Nope, just a flashy recycling bin. At least Brent had quietly thought the same thing. Only when one of us remarked on the second one did it come to light. We walked by a mechanic garage and heard music, it sounded live? Turns out it was! We saw an actual, literal, garage band.

The cider was delicious. I logged into Libby and BEHOLD! THE LISA JEWELL BOOK!! I clicked on it… and got an error. Someone else had snatched it! That was what must have happened to me earlier. At least now I knew. And would obsessively monitor it. I had two ciders while writing about the day in my book. It was 8.5 pages in my notebook. I looked up coffee for the next day. The closest coffee shop was one I had made fun of on our walk back. The sign on the brick wall opposite it said TINY COFFEE LIQUOR SPIRITS YOGA PUNK PDX. It seemed like the most confused business ever. I debated if I wanted to go there for coffee, or just go with good old reliable Starbucks. I decided we had to investigate, at the very least we would have a “weird Portland” experience to write home about. And the coffee was highly rated, and I trust hipsters opinions of coffee.

We watched two Dunky videos and in between I kept refreshing Libby. I was mildly obsessed, not having it made me want it that much more. My state of mind seems to have deteriorated. How much was tiredness, how much was cider, who can say but my notebook says “mad mashing of buttons BOOK BOOK BOOK.” I had been awake for 21hrs and I was done. I showered and crawled into bed before 10pm. This day had to end.

25,482 steps: that one snuck up on me because it was in small segments, it didn’t feel like I’d walked that much

 

ColoradoSD- Day 9

Mon. July 3, 2023 Morrill, NB to Denver, CO to HOME!!!

I woke up at 6:30am and there was no going back to sleep. Our flight wasn’t until 5pm. The original plan had been to do more stuff in Denver, but that fell apart when we found out just how much Denver sucks. Driving, I saw a hawk sitting on an electric pole and he swooped down. It was really hard to drink my Starbucks coffee on the bumpy road. We had time, so why not go back to Cheyenne, WY to the Luxury Diner. It was so damn good. Saw another hawk sitting on a fence post.

At the Luxury Diner Brent ordered the breakfast burrito again. I opted for the stuffed French toast: basically, an egg, ham and cheese sandwich but the bread is French toasted. It was very good and somehow oddly not that heavy. If we ever go back to Cheyenne we are so going back to that diner. Maybe one day for the rodeo? The server was talking it up as we were leaving. Even though it was still weeks away.

Brent found a movie theatre in Fort Collins, CO that was showing Asteroid City at 10:55am. We got to the town early, even after the breakfast pitstop. I had found a Victoria’s Secret next door to the theatre. Turns out, ours was a different theatre, but only 10 minutes away. Fort Collins was bigger than I’d thought. We were early so we walked around the outside of the mall waiting for it to open. I dug through the last dregs of the sale and got some deals. The theatre next door was showing the movie, but not until just after 11am. So we didn’t change plans. Good thing we didn’t, there were 25minutes of previews! The popcorn and movie were a good distraction for me. And it was way better than spending any more time in Denver. Asteriod City was good but nowhere near as good as some of his other movies. I had ingested two coffees and I was still so tired.  There was an elk grazing just off the freeway, less than an hour away from the airport.

Just outside the airport there was a travel plaza: gas station, bathrooms and a food court. The Auntie Anne’s there had the worst selection I had ever seen: they only had cinnamon sugar or sweet almond. Brent was not happy with the sweet almond. I ordered a small coffee (which was still rather large) from Dunkin’ Donuts (the first and only one I had seen on our trip!) and a cruller. She gave me two. Except there was a Voodoo Donuts inside the airport. And a Shake Shack. This was one of the best airport meals I’d ever had. At Shake Shack a lady had ordered a double burger for each of her 5–6-year-old kids. I really hope she was hungry.

 

ColoradoSD- Day 8

Sun. July 2, 2023 Wall, SD to Morrill, NB

The coffee in the hotel was so bad, at least it was flavoured creamer and not that awful powdered stuff. I needed just a little bit of caffeine to tide me over. I googled where we were staying and it was called a village. When we searched nearby movie theatres (because what else is there to do in Nebraska?) they were all only 1-2 screens, all showing Indiana Jones and none showing Asteroid City (our movie of choice). This time I was smart, at the gas station I grabbed not one but two Gatorades, some Swedish Fish and a Mr. Goodbar.

I had spoiled the Crazy Horse Memorial for myself with an in-room brochure back at the hotel. Until then I had no idea what this was going to be. I had been expecting a statue, not another head carved into a mountain. The museum was very disjointed. They had objects and contemporary art pieces from Indigenous people from all over North America, broken down by geographical area. But then there was also a display of the tools used? You could also take a piece of the carved away rock home? The carving isn’t finished? It’s still going? There was also a display about Crazy Horse himself but that actually made up a small portion of the museum. Outside there was a sculpture garden, with metal sculptures, one was in memory of 9/11. It had nothing to do with the Crazy Horse Memorial and I was thoroughly confused. Probably one of the worst museums/attractions ever? And one with the most expensive options I’ve ever seen: you can pay hundreds of dollars for them to drive you up to the carving site. WHY?! Just about every image in the place had a copyright symbol on it. There was also a case with Wizard of Oz dolls. It made no sense.

At the other end of the spectrum and up next: Mammoth Site. The main reason we went here was because I was on Google Maps looking for lunch options on the drive. Beside the DQ I noticed the camera marker and clicked on it. Mammoth Site sounded cool. And it was! Even the grasshopper thought so, because he popped up out of the side storage on my door. He had not been there earlier, it was where I kept snacks so I was constantly digging in there. We’ll never know if he survived or got eaten by one of the magpies hanging around the parking lot. Mammoth site was still an active excavation. They constructed a building and museum around the dig site. It was a 19,000-year-old sink hole and we got to walk around it on raised platforms, seeing it from up above and down below. It was well designed, they had a lot of information panels, as well as markers in the dig site itself, denoting various things like hard-to-see footsteps or age markers. They also had exhibits about other animals that would have lived around that time. The giant sloth is really well and truly giant. You hear it in the name, but when you actually see it scaled against others. It was enormous.

Back at the car there was no sign of the grasshopper. We stopped at DQ for lunch. The cake batter cookie dough Blizzard was amazing and I sort of regretted getting a snack size. Today had been scheduled as a day for catching up on anything we may have missed. Which was nothing. Everything was going perfectly so far. All we had left for the day was: get to the hotel, IN NEBRASKA. Alas, there were no movie theatres even remotely near us or our destination. Not without a couple hours detour- one way. So much for going to see Asteroid City.

As per usual, I was falling asleep in the car. Thankfully Brent woke me up when it was time…. NEBRASKA!!!! State #41!!!!

Nebraska was a whole lot of nothing. Yes, it was kind of sort of scenic in the flatness-that-goes-on-forever sense? But we did not pass a single car, house, business, ANYTHING for what felt like a really, really long time. We stopped in the town of Scott’s Bluff, which true to it’s name did have a small bluff in the background. Albeit, it was short. And I barely counted it, still referring to the land as flat. Turns out the Starbucks in town is inside of a Target. A Target that did not have Old Bay Goldfish or a good drinks selection. But the Starbucks was great, no line, quick service. I finally got my bumblebee cake pop. We drove to a liquor store that turned out to be a restaurant. We drove a second store. Brent said the selection was horrible. I was confused by this assessment. I had never seen so many different single cans of Cutwater cocktails! I got the strawberry margarita. It was only 2pm but we had nothing else planned for the rest of the day, save for dinner.

The Cutwater strawberry margarita was delicious. The Monaco black raspberry vodka cocktail was also delicious. It was a bit much to have before dinner. Ah well. It had been a lot of driving and Brent debated if we should drive back to town or just eat at the diner next door. I didn’t care, I had pre-selected menu items from both. The place in town was a brewpub I had found online and that’s where we ended up going. The Flyover Brewpub was totally worth going back for. It totally seemed like a local hangout and was busy. The woodfired oven pizza was topped with pepperonis and honey except I didn’t notice that it also had goat cheese. It was ok once those pieces “fell off” my slice. The Korean BBQ wings were delicious. As was the soft pretzel with beer cheese dip. I had ordered a 5oz glass of the guest tap, as it was the only cider available. It was so good I got a second 5oz glass. I was too full for dinner, but at the gas station on the way in I had gotten a Reese’s crispy bar (along with a Starbucks caramel coffee for the morning). Friends wasn’t on, but Bob’s Burgers was. Later The Office was on. I tried watching new The Simpsons but it was just so bad. I started reading The Paris Apartment but I was way too tired to read, I ended up going to bed around 9:30pm, exhausted from family stress back home.