Well That Worked Out Splendidly

Best gay bar in the city was recently revoted. Now it was Woody’s over on Church St. Our schedules this week were not forgiving, so we opted for a few night caps instead of going out for dinner. As has now become tradition, we started the night out at Bar Volo. Only our world had changed (for the better). Pokemon Go was finally in Canada!!! The whole walk there were hunted and we collected. Bar Volo just so happens to sit on a corner, within range of two pokestops. They both happened to have lures on them while we were there. Brent had finished his drink and said he’d be getting another, I looked at him confused. I thought we were only having one drink? Turns out I was so immersed in Pokemon Go that I had (shocker!) forgotten all about my Revel Cider with hibiscus. At this point I have plowed through all of Bar Volo’s ciders, hibiscus beers and the one sour beer I would have gotten (lime and cucumber, so good) was gone. How can I complain though, the hibiscus cider is amazing.

Woody’s was also conveniently between two pokestops, which were also lured. I was starting to think that it was a thing in Toronto, to go to a bar near a pokestop or two, set a lure and collect items every 5 minutes. Woody’s was great. It is a huge space with five bars throughout the venue. The bartender also had a great sense of humour, warning me that the rum in my diet rum & coke was not diet. It made me laugh and it made my night. The bar was pretty quiet, it was a Tuesday night after all. Which makes it my kind of bar, if you remember my review of Two Cats Lounge, I loved the fact that we were the only ones in there. It was also not even 11pm yet.

On the way home we stopped at McDonald’s and what do you know, there was a lured pokestop nearby! We had been to that one the night before. All it attracted were Drowzees, I got so many Drowzees from that McDonald’s.

 

Roll Over, We’ve Got A New Winner!

Lobster roll recently got updated, the best lobster roll in the city is now apparently found at Rodney’s Oyster House. Last time we went there dinner was amazing, heck yes I wanted to go back! The lobster roll is a tough dish to pull off. Most of the time there is too much mayonnaise and occasionally too much lobster meat. Rodney’s had been good in the past, I was curious to see if they could pull it off. Migawd did they ever, it was amazing! It was served on a brioche bun (actually it may have been a folded slice of bread) that had been buttered and lightly toasted. It came with a slice of bacon and all atop a leaf of lettuce that actually was quite good, adding some crunch and lightness and oddly making it more satisfying and somehow refreshing. Best I have ever had? That is a tough call, as the one we had in Maine at Mabel’s Lobster Claw was also pretty damn good. Best one in the city? Of course. The crispy calamari was OK, nothing outstanding and I was left with a bowl of breading that had fallen off.

Even though it is a summer month (so much easier to remember than “months that have R in them”) we ordered oysters, we were after all at an oyster house. We got two each, one from the west coast and one from the east coast. The McInstosh oyster from Nova Scotia was far better than the Kusshi oyster from British Columbia. Our dinner was made all the better when I saw on the menu that they had West Ave’s Cherriosity cherry cider!!! I am very quickly falling in love with West Ave. brewery (cidery?) and I hope there’s more of it in my future. Adding to the awesomeness, the creme brulee was on the menu! Finally I would get to try the creme brulee that 3.5 years ago I did not get to try! Except when we ordered it we were told it’s actually not available. What gives guys?!

We went back to Plan A for dessert which was to walk up to Kensington Market to get some nitro ice cream from Eative. Apparently, I am told, that this is the latest food trend to hit Toronto. And with the current heat wave I am all for extra cold ice cream. Except when we got there it had literally just closed. It was just after 8pm! What kind of ice cream serving establishment closes at 8pm, especially during the summer. Even moreso during a heatwave! Hello special business hours?! Extenuating circumstances anyone?! I was very sad. Even moreso when I saw two girls standing outside eating their ice cream, meanwhile I was dessert-less.

Once again I was drowning my sorrows at Bar Volo. You can tell they are shutting down soon. The board only featured one cask, whereas it used to be six. The bitter cider was gone, and the only ones they had on the board I had tried all of them. I decided to risk it and order a beer. A raspberry beer. Turns out that Burdock Brewery makes a wicked good raspberry saison. I downed it no problem, it was delicious. Either that, or I am starting to develop a taste for beer??? We stayed for a second round, I could not pass up some more Revel cardinal cider, it was so damn good and I know that the other two (West Ave heritage cider and the cherry one) I can get elsewhere.

 

Breakfast For Dinner

Once again, a week later we found ourselves walking through Little Portugal as everyone celebrated another EuroCup win. I was still hurting from the previous week’s loss.We were on our way to The Lakeview, recently voted best late night breakfast. I was looking forward to having a good breakfast meal for dinner. Along the way however we made a pit stop at Bitondo’s, which at some point had been best pizza. Nostalgia washed over us and before I knew it I was watching Brent devour a slice of pizza the size of his head… this on our way to dinner at a place that has huge portion sizes.

I could not for the life of me find a mimosa on the menu, but what I got was way better. Heritage Cider by West Ave, with a tall glass of ice was just what I needed after that long walk in the heat. They had changed their menu since we last went. Brunch was now available all the time. Brent ordered a giant stack of pancakes but nothing on the mains list caught my eye. I ordered off the sides menu: a waffle and some maple sausages. Even still the portions were quite generous. The waffles hit the spot and were better than Starving Artist, alas they did not (nor will any ever?) hold a candle to the beauts I was eating in Belgium. I half-regretted getting the maple sausages, they were only ok. However that regret did not set int until later. As we were walking along College and reminiscing some more, I noticed Menchie’s. It was over 30C outside, hell yeah I was getting some frozen yogurt. About halfway through my dessert-topped dessert I was feeling regret. I was so full. Why did I get those sausages?! We still had a ways to go, as we were being rerouted at Bathurst and College due to construction, we had to walk half a block to get around it. Our night was not over.

Since we heard that Bar Volo would be closing we have made an effort to finish the night there every time we go out fooding. Staring at the giant chalkboard of beers and ciders it dawned on me: West Ave. brewery (cidery?) based in Hamilton is one of my new favourites. On the board was the Heritage cider I had at dinner. Turns out West Ave. made the cherry cider (cherriosity) I liked so much last time, or two times ago, who can remember? I was torn between the West Ave cider from a cask and the Revel Cardinal cider with citra hops and hibiscus. I went with the latter both because I was intrigued and because the West Ave cask was described as bittersweet. And I was way (way!) too full for a second round. Besides, I will no doubt be returning within a few days as the farewell tour continues.

 

Drowning Our Sorrows in Pigeons

Poland had reached a new record, making it into the semi-finals for the first time in the EuroCup soccer series. So of course we had to go watch them play versus Portugal at Real Sports Bar. As soon as they had won the previous game I was booking the table for the next match. The plan was to go have dinner on Roncesvalles afterwards, whether Poland won or lost.

The atmosphere was amazing, we were surrounded by Polish fans with a few Portuguese fans interspersed here and there for drama. We spent the whole time eating perogies and drinking. For my third drink I had ordered a Fruli, but the waitress suggested I try a surprise recommendation. I was all for it, and it was worth it. She presented me with a tall glass of beer, garnished with a strawberry. It was half Fruli strawberry beer, half Erdinger wheat beer. This has since becomem a go-to amazing drink for me.

Alas, Poland lost in penalty kicks.

As it turned out, the best produce store in Toronto was a few doors down from Cafe Polonez, voted best cabbage rolls in Toronto. And given it was strawberry season I was all for going to a produce store. Even though I was already carrying a bag of strawberries from a  farmer’s market I had chanced upon during my walk down to Real Sports Bar.

The cabbage roll was tasty- but nowhere near as good as I used to at home. This might be my preference for barley instead of rice in the stuffing. The perogies were delicious as usual. On auto-pilot, I ended up ordering the meat ones. I had meant to get the cheese and potato ones, but we had been eating cheese and potato ones at Real Sports Bar. I was way too full after dinner to go to Ed’s Real Scoop. Drowning my sorrows for Poland’s loss in ice cream would have to wait.

Walking home through Little Portugal, along College hurt. It hurt a lot. Everyone was out celebrating and honking, flags waving everywhere. I started feeling better once we were past Ossington. I caved and went in to The Big Chill. Unfortunately they were sold out of donuts, my dreams of having a Krispy Kreme donut sundae were dashed. Instead I had to settle for a waffle cone stuffed with birthday cake ice cream. As I was paying, a guy leaned in and asked me if I had gotten the children’s surprise ice cream flavour. Bewildered, and unsure what to answer, he corrected himself, noting that it was the birthday cake flavour. He asked me if it was any good. I stared at him and said no. I had not even tasted it yet. How could I know?

We finished off the night at Bar Volo with a nightcap, drowning our now-double-sorrows, as Bar Volo would be closing in a few months. At the bar Brent overheard that the owner’s new bar on College, dedicated to sour beers, would be opening in 4 weeks.

 

What A Meal!

Alo had been voted best new restaurant of 2015. The address said it was located at Queen & Spadina, and I could not fathom where this place possibly was. Now I know why, it used to be a hair salon. We had made reservations back in April and it was finally time for our fancy French dinner. The restaurant does a 5 course tasting menu. For each dish there is a choice between two, therefore it made logical sense for one of us to order option 1 for all, and the other to get option 2. The server recommended a vodka drink and I figured, heck, why not. It was delicious, tasted like lemonade and garnished with fresh berries. It was also a tad girlie, especially compared with the whisky based cocktail that Brent had ordered/been suggested. The meal was outstanding, easily one of the best if not the best we have ever had in the city. My like of rhubarb was further confirmed with dessert. It was funny because on the walk over I had been talking about my recent conversion to liking rhubarb. I had never liked it before simply because it had a terrible name and I assumed it tasted terrible, so veggie-like. An A+ all around.

For dessert (well, second dessert) we decided to go to Red Bench, voted best frozen yogurt. I had tried it before but still, any excuse for more dessert and the chance of cookies is fine by me. Their frozen yogurt does not taste like flavoured ice. It is creamier and more delicious. I made a mistake however, I was intrigued by the pink velvet cookie, surely it had to be good? It was mildly berry-flavoured and I was not having it. Partly because I had just devoured half a smores cookie and half an Oreo cookies and creme cookie.

Before we had gone to Red Bench we stopped in at Bar Volo for a pint (our trip to England, and the nightly pub stop has changed us). At first I only saw one cider on the board, Spirit Tree smoked hop. It was only as I was sipping it that I noticed two more, thankfully they were not nearly as intriguing, citra hop < smoked hop. It tasted like there was a tiny little hint of bacon in my cider, in a good way.

 

Cats, Cathedrals and Ciders: The South of England: Day 18

Sun. May 29, 2016:
London to Toronto

I woke up and my joints were sore, I was starting to get old. On the plus side I did not have a hangover. I had to pack, and everything was a mess. The plan was to leave our bags with the hotel concierge and get in a half day of activities as our flight was not until the late afternoon.

We transited to the Tower of London. We got off at Bank Station, where you really do have to “mind the gap” as there was about two feet between the subway door and the platform. It is amazing that they have not fixed that, how has no one fallen in?! We got to the Tower of London via the empty financial district. As it turned out everyone was visiting that museum. There was a huge line-up to buy tickets and then above the ticket booth on the marquee sign it said that it was an approximately 40 minute wait to see the Crown Jewels, the main attraction. Forget that! Having to wait in line and then wait to see stuff, all for £25?! Not worth it.

Instead we walked down to the Tate Modern, on the way we passed the ugly bridge again and this time I saw that it was labelled underneath: London Bridge. The Tate Modern was still super busy but much more manageable. We could actually get inside and move freely. My purse was uncomfortably heavy as I had brought my iPad with me, not wanting to leave it with the concierge. I did not want to risk checking it at the museum, and I did not have £2 anyway. For the map I only had 10p, so that was what I threw in. Turns out it was not even worth that. The map was all wrong because the museum was undergoing major renovations. This also helped us with the time crunch. There were only two floors of exhibitions open to the public. We finished it in under two hours. In amongst the head-scratchers and weird stuff were some gems: Picasso, Braque, Dali, and Magritte. Rothko just made me mad.

It would have taken us too long to walk to Westminster Abbey so instead we just headed back to the hotel. On the subway there were drunken soccer hooligans, it was not even 2pm yet. We grabbed our bags and started walking towards Paddington Station, we needed to be on the Piccadilly Line to get to the airport. We stopped at The Victoria Pub for lunch. I had one last Sunday roast dinner. This time it was pork loin with some crackling, it was incredible. I developed a love affair with the dough crunch side, the so-called Yorkshire pudding. It was a brilliant idea for a dinner: meat and a pastry puff and potatoes. No room for veggies though, that makes it too much food. The only cider they had on draught was the Stowford Press which I had already had before. I had a bottle of Cornish Orchards pear cider instead. The subway to the airport slowly rocked me to sleep, all around me people were people with luggage falling asleep.

It was a struggle, but I had to stay awake as we would be landing in Toronto at 9pm. we breezed through security. The London-themed bottle opener key chain that we bought on our first night in London did not cause any trouble thankfully. The info board said that the gate info would not be posted until 5pm, for the time being we had no idea which end of the airport to hang out. I wandered around and did a lap of the top floor. I was tempted to buy a rooster mug but it was £10 which seemed really expensive for a mug. I bought some Haribo starmix gummies and one last Double-decker and Irn Bru. We found out our gate number 20 minutes before boarding but the sign said it takes 15 minutes to get there from our spot. Why would they do that? We barely had to wait to board the plane. It was a long wait once we got on the plane though. Making matters worse, the entertainment system was not working and had to be rebooted. Things turned around once we were up in the air and the TVs were working. I watched Hateful Eight, Sisters and Zoolander 2 and then a few episodes of New Girl. The icing on the cake was that the bar service was free, we weren’t even flying Porter, this was Air Canada! I briefly considered having a third serving of wine but thought better of it. The vacation was amazing, but I arrived home exhausted and with dead legs and a newfound appreciation of cider and love affair with Yorkshire puddings and Sunday roasts.

 

Cats, Cathedrals and Ciders: The South of England: Day 17

Sat. May 28, 2016:
London

Brent had to wake me up, it was time to get ready to head back out. We transited to Oxford Circus. Our first stop was Crosstown Donuts. I had seen it on Buzzfeed and now I needed to eat one of their fancy donuts. The crème brulee was pretty good and the Lambington chocolate donut with coconut glaze and jam was only ok. Neither donut was outstanding though. That was ok, we were headed to breakfast at Sketch anyways. This one I had seen on Instagram, I knew that the interior was wacky and fantastical and that the bathrooms were a must-see apparently. We walked in and found ourselves in a forest full of flowers, it had been decorated for the Chelsea Flower show I guessed. The menus on the table were partly underneath books. It was nice to drink a cappuccino out of a fancy porcelain cup while gawking at all the wacky décor around us. I had ordered the scrambled eggs with chorizo and peppers. The chorizo and peppers were amazing, the eggs were good but after a while it was too much. I can only eat so many eggs! We did not trade halfway, as the pancakes Brent had ordered were topped with grapefruit jelly. I did try a bite, but I just hate grapefruit so much. When I asked where the bathroom was, I was first directed to the basement, then she corrected herself and told me to go up one floor. I climbed the red velvet stairs, lit in black light. I was looking for a red door. The bathroom did not disappoint. The toilet paper hung on a crystal trapeze, Alice in Wonderland style music was playing, and everything was glittery and reflecting in the dimly lit room. Every surface was mirrored or sparkly.

Now that we had eaten donuts and a full breakfast we were ready for the big one: the British Museum. It killed my legs, but we saw all the free exhibits. All of them. We started out in the room that showed what the museum would have looked like when it was first founded, with everything in cabinets. It reminded me of a library. Apparently I had walked right by the Elgin Marbles, looked at them, and not even recognized them. Why was there no sign explaining the significance? Is the British Museum still so embarrassed? The mummies were pretty cool but way too popular, it was hard to get a good look. The one unwrapped mummy chilled me to my core. I had always wondered what it looked like under there, thinking it’d be cool to see one. Turns out I was very wrong. By far the coolest was the Syrian relief sculptures. The amount of detail and craftsmanship was incredible. There were more than a few irritating moments, watching people touch stuff as if they had no idea how to behave in a museum. It was great to see one kid get yelled at by his mom. The collection was great, but it was also plunder. The only part that aggravated me was the porcelain, I am so sick of looking at porcelain. Towards the end I needed a break. We sat down at the upstairs café for 5 minutes and I recharged with a lemonade. We got it all done in about four and a half hours.

Now it was on to the National Gallery. First we stopped at a convenience store. I was getting hangry and in need of snacks fast. It was a 30 minute walk to the gallery, therefore I needed Jelly Babies, a cherry Coke and a strawberry Cornetto (this time it was fresh). We sat outside the gallery on the steps, looking onto the crowded plaza and drinking the Coke and eating Jelly Babies. Our peace was short-lived, an annoying busker behind us ruined it all by trying to draw a crowd. The National Gallery was amazing. They had an incredible collection ranging from Reubens and Michelangelo to Monet, Seurat and Toulouse-Lautrec. We saw the famous painting The Ambassadors. I had expected the perspective-shifted skull effect to be much more pronounced but it was still cool to see the actual painting. We only missed seeing the early Renaissance room because we ran out of time. My love of Impressionism was only further solidified.

I could not find the email that confirmed our reservation at The Lamb Pub but we decided to walk there anyways. If it was too busy we could go elsewhere. On the way we stopped in at Craft Beer Co., a pub Brent had looked up. It was super busy and we were about to leave but we found two stools by the wall. Thankfully I stayed back and held the chairs while Brent went and ordered. I just knew I would screw up ordering a half pint of the Pheasant Plucker and would mix up the name. It was delicious. As we drank we looked at the menu and saw that they also sold bottles to go. And they had our beloved Cantillon! We would be fools not to get a bottle of Cantillon Rose de Gambrinus! Only when Brent ordered it, she did not hear him say to go and she opened it. It was a big bottle, of course I had to help by drinking half of it.

The Lamb Pub was not busy at all so it did not matter if I had a reservation or not. We ordered the “banger’s plate” to split, we had three sausages each and fries. It was the perfect dinner. The half pint of Henry Weston’s Still Country pear cider tasted like juice and I downed it in no time. Brent was still working on his pint, so I ordered a half pint of Flat Tyre, which was a cloudy rhubarb cider, further confirming how wrong I had been about rhubarb. We had just eaten a greasy meal, we were already at pub number 2 and there were plenty more pubs from my list nearby- so began the “last night in England pub crawl.”

We got to the Cittie of York pub and found out that it was owned by the Samuel Smith brewing company and that it was on the list of heritage pubs. It had a nice interior and we sat in a secluded booth. Everything on tap was brewed by the company, lucky for me this was not limited to beer. They had Cider Reserve on tap, a nice refreshing cider. I had to try a sip of the beer Brent had ordered. The S.S. Bitter was brewed using oak casks and water from a well that had been tapped in 1758. It tasted a little nutty.

Walking to The Ship Tavern we passed Bar Polski. I made a note of it, as we would be passing it on the way to the subway if we were still up for it. Alas, The Ship Tavern did not appear to have any ciders on tap. Instead I tried a third flavour of Old Mout, apple and passionfruit. There was an adorable mutt of a dog in the bar, he was so well behaved. It was here that Brent had switched to half pints, which worked out great because we were able to make it to Bar Polski as the final stop of the night. Brent had a half pint of Żywiec meanwhile I had switched to doing shots of cherry liqueur (Soplica Wisniowka). The bar tender was Polish and very nice. As I was trying to decide on my second shot, he gave me a list of everything he had available. The list was huge, I had never seen that many different Polish liquors and liqueurs. I settled on the UV Siedlice Raspberry vodka just because it was bright blue. Migawd it was smooth and went down easily. We were in a Polish bar, with so many Polish alcohols available, on our last night of vacation… why not have one last shot I thought? I had the Valentine honey and berry liqueur on its own not over ice this time, partly because this one was only 29% whereas the others were 40%.

We had a great night of barhopping but we had killed Brent’s phone battery. Thankfully I knew the way back to the subway and to the nearby McDonald’s (it was the same one from two nights ago) and so I led the way. There were some drunk people across the street clapping, so Brent clapped back and they all cheered. We were complaining about how expensive England was and a guy ahead of us chimed in and said we were right. He then told us that Coquitlam in British Columbia is gorgeous and we should go see the forests there. We walked in and it was the same manager, except as soon as he saw us he went on break. Odd, I thought. The Crunchie McFlurry was just what I needed, it had little bite-sized pieces of chocolate covered toffee. Inside the station we stopped to grab a bag of sour Haribo gummies. At the hotel I realized I had been given a chicken bacon wrap, not the chicken snack wrap. Brent went downstairs to the bar to get a corkscrew, the Cantillon he had bought a few days ago had a pop off bottle cap and a cork underneath. On the way back he reported that it sounded like our hotel neighbours were watching a dirty movie. I stuck my head out into the hallway, indeed it did seem so.

It was tough to catch up writing in my notebook after being out at museums all day and then doing an evening of barhopping. We had been way too tired to visit the Tate Modern after dinner at The Lamb Pub. My only regret was not ordering the custard dessert at the Lamb. I had assumed another bar on our hop would also be serving a custard dessert.

 

Cats, Cathedrals and Ciders: The South of England: Day 16

Fri. May 27, 2016:
London

Biscoff cookies dunked in coffee for breakfast were becoming a regular thing now. We transited to St. Paul’s cathedral, which was easy as we just had to go to the station stop called St. Paul’s. We got there soon after open therefore it was not yet crazy busy. The first order of business was to climb to the top of the dome. It hurt that I was not allowed to take pictures, the cathedral was incredible on the inside. And the views looking down into it from the dome were amazing. The only picture I managed to take was from the top of the dome, looking down into the centre of the cathedral via a little porthole window which gave me slight vertigo. The whispering gallery was not exactly as I had imagined it but it was still cool to vaguely hear the people at the other end talking. It sounded like they were behind me even though I was facing them.  So much climbing, 119 steps, and we reached the edge of the dome exterior. Yet we were still not done, there was another 152 steps to climb to get to the top. We were well rewarded for the efforts. My legs and heart were dying, but the panoramic views of London and the River Thames were well worth it. Now that we had the stair-climb out of the way, we could explore the cathedral itself. The ceiling featured a gorgeous gold tiled mosaic. What it lacked however was a cathedral cat. Walking through the crypt, the sombreness of it got ruined by screaming children. The highlight was seeing a burnt tombstone that had survived the great fire of 1666.

It was tough to get the entire cathedral into one frame, the building was so big and I kept backing up until I was by a tree, and at this point the sun was behind the cathedral as well. We had enough time to walk, rather than transit, to The Ritz hotel for high tea at the Palm Court. Along the way we passed through the theatre district and Piccadilly Circus. It was a nightmare in the style of Times Square. So many tourists, walking so slowly and so many horrible places like TGI Friday’s (actually there were two within a block of each other). Then there was construction so we had to walk an extra block to get around it. I was glad to be out of there and once again able to enjoy the nice architecture without the gaudiness and tackiness. I saw a Twinnings Tea shop and I had to go in. There was no way I was not going and in coming out with armfuls of tea for everyone back home. I was immediately overwhelmed, so many choices! And nice boxes! I briefly considered buying the wooden box you get to fill with your choices of individually wrapped teas but I thought better of it, the idea of having to cram it into my luggage dissuaded me. I got a box of tea for each family member… and two for myself. One was a last minute impulse buy by the register.

As we walked we noticed a particularly nice looking building. We ducked down the alleyway to get a better view of it from the courtyard. Turns out we had found Courtald Gallery at Somerset, a part of the Art Institute. I wish I had known about this beforehand, the current exhibition featured one of my favourite paintings of all time, Bar at The Folies-Bergère by Manet. Outside of the hotel I changed into my heels, it was awkward as I was rushing because we were a few minutes late.

The name of the place did not lie. We were seated in a small section, which was atop a small set of stairs, a small court. And it was surrounded by potted palms. It was a literal palm court. Overhead was a domed ceiling and chandeliers. I had high expectations, as they were the ones who invented the afternoon tea tradition. My expectations were definitely met. Soon after we had ordered, Brent regretted not getting the champagne option. When the server brought our tea, Brent asked for the champagne as well. We were doing this all out of order. You are supposed to sip your champagne while they get your tea ready. Then while your tea steeps you finish it off and start on the food. Ah well, it worked out in the end because we did not end up scalding ourselves as the tea had time to cool down. The sandwiches, in order of best to worst were (surprisingly): ham with grainy mustard, egg salad, cucumber, cheese, smoked salmon and dead last was the chicken breast. No sooner were we done, they brought us another plate of sandwiches! But this time it was only one of each. It was easy to divide them up amongst ourselves as we had differing opinions of which sandwiches were good and which were not. Except the ham with grainy mustard. That was the clear winner.

The sandwiches were followed by scones with strawberry jam (it’s always strawberry) and clotted cream. Again the clotted cream was similar to butter. I was starting to realize that what I had been served at afternoon teas back home, more of a sweet cream, was not authentic. The scones were still warm and the clotted cream just melted. They got major bonus points as the scones were not covered in powdered sugar. This meant that I in turn was not covered in powdered sugar (an almost inevitable outcome whenever I tackle powdered-sugar scones). Finally it was time for the mini desserts. Except before we could dig in, a server came by with a trolley and offered us slices of chocolate hazelnut coffee cake and a rhubarb ginger cream pie. We split one of each and although it was close, I preferred the chocolate cake. As it turns out rhubarb is pretty darn good and I may have totally misjudged it in the past.

Now it was finally time for the mini dessert. Except I was already quite full. We each had our own lemon macaron with a lemon curd centre, but then the rest we had to split because we only got one of each: white chocolate coconut mango truffle with a mango centre, chocolate covered cinnamon cream puff. We sat there drinking cup after cup of tea. I had ordered the rose congou (rose sounds so fancy) and Brent had the traditional English. By the time we were on to the mini desserts we had about two cups left each. It was incredible, in total we must have had about 6 cups of tea each but damnit we finished the whole pot each. Looking at the bill it turned out they forgot to change it to champagne tea and charged us just for a regular afternoon tea- score! Even the bathrooms at The Ritz were ritzy. The womens bathroom had a couch, magazines and a pitcher of water. On the way out of the hotel I noticed some cufflinks in the hotel shop window, they were a whopping £3500, I could not believe it.

We walked back to the hotel via Oxford St. Brent continued on to the hotel, I got caught up in a last ditch attempt at finding my palm tree shirt, I had spotted another H&M. As was to be expected, I came up empty-handed. I went into what I thought was a mall, but turned out to be a few crappy shops and a subway entrance, not much of a “shopping centre” if you ask me. I was now on a mission to buy a FitBit. I don’t know why it had never occurred to us to get one to track how much we walk on vacations. Alas HMV didn’t have one. Debenham’s department store did, but for some reason it felt too expensive and I could not commit. I stopped in at Selfridge’s, reasoning that the FitBit could be my souvenir if I buy it from there.

In Selfridge’s I discovered the basement floor and it was amazing. There was a bar called Harry Gordon’s and next door they had a liquor shop. There was a Selfridge’s IPA, I saw it on the bar menu but they were sold out of bottles. They did have Bacchus Framboise but I was not sure if I would have time to drink it, we only had a few days of vacation left. In trying to figure out where to go to find the FitBit I found some store directory maps, these could count as souvenirs I thought. I went from one department to the next, getting closer to the electronics department (watches to electronic toys to electronics) and finally to a “FitBit expert” as he was called. It turned out that the warranty was regional and that was a deal-breaker for me.

I rushed back to the hotel because I could not remember for the life of me what time we were leaving for the Chelsea Flower show. I had just enough time to pack my teas in my luggage and write about the morning. We left a little bit early so we could check out Kensington Palace. It was just an old brick building with exhibits that we did not have time for anyway. As we got closer to the flower show we could see people with tote bags from it. There was a mass of people, it was unimaginable how many people were crammed into this outdoor exhibit space. We could barely move and the whole time we were shoulder to shoulder with strangers. More than once we had to push and shove. At the entrance I had noticed a booth that was giving away the tote bags, you had to buy a copy of The Telegraph to get the bag but it was less than a pound and so worth it as he only had a few left. There were beautiful sculptures made of flowers and shrubs and gorgeously designed garden spaces. The florist section was the best, it was the most interesting to look at. I was surprised at how many people were walking around drinking alcohol. This was the last place on earth I would dream of drinking: it was crowded and everything was making me sneeze. We did not last there very long, pretty soon I needed out, it was way too claustrophobic-feeling in there for me.

We headed back to the Victoria & Albert museum with the hopes of finishing it. First I needed a pit stop. My legs hurt and I was dehydrated and hungry. I chugged a cold Coke and ate some honey-roasted cashews. Now I was ready to tackle the rest of the museum. It was open late on Friday therefore we did not have to worry about running of time, only out of steam. There was set up going on throughout the museum, as it turned out on Friday nights they had live events throughout. My legs were so dead but we managed to get through it all. Well most it, parts were closed off so we could not see them. We saw some of Raphael’s giant paintings, and artists sketches in oil paints by John Constable. We saw a lot of great photographs, the V&A had an extensive collection (Weegee, Muybridge, Weston, Man Ray, Kertesz, Cartier-Bresson). Towards the end we were in a room of silver items and I could not care less, I was so tired. There was a 3D projection on a costume for which you had to put on 3D glasses that was pretty cool, but the lights started giving me a headache.

In a rare turn of events, Brent took off for some shopping while I headed back to the hotel through Hyde Park. I was fairly certain I knew where I was going, I had to head straight north, in a straight line that was not actually a straight line. I was walking on the path and I saw a statue that I was trying to pass, rather than continue on my path and turn right and head to the statue, I cut diagonally through the grass. My legs were dead and I needed to sit. I knew I was trying to get to the Italian Fountains, and so rather than going “straight” I went a little bit to the left (barely), following the signs to the Italian Fountains. I passed an obelisk dedicated to Speke. I was very confused, I had never seen this before, where was I?? Turns out the sign led me to a path that said the Italian Fountains were to the right. That initial sign had misdirected me at the fork.

I stopped at the corner store for a Daim bar, some more Haribo mix and the prawn cocktail flavoured Walker’s crisps. We had been avoiding them for far too long now. They were actually not that bad. The No Brainer cider by the Cotswold Cider Co. was delicious. We were too tired to go out to a pub for dinner, so instead I cracked open the Sandford Orchards Devon Red, another delicious cider to go with my snacks for dinner. My legs were lifeless.

 

Cats, Cathedrals and Ciders: The South of England: Day 15

Thurs. May 26, 2016:
London

I woke up at 8:30am, right before Brent was going to wake me up. Breakfast consisted of the Double-decker bar from the previous day and Biscoff cookies dunked in coffee. We took the subway to the Royal College of Physicians. There had been a delay earlier and the first train that arrived was crammed and we had to wait for the next one. Once again we were in our dressy clothes, as we had a fancy lunch scheduled. In my running shoes I fit right in, it seemed to be the norm: wear running shoes and pack the heels in the purse.

At the Royal College of Physicians we had to sign in as guests and the only other people there seemed to be admins and business [people. It was a bit weird, but in our fancy clothes we fit in. I was excited to see the exhibition of John Dees books. I had heard about it in a podcast in the winter. He had been a scientist and alchemist with a vast collection of books. He had made notes and observations in many of the books, books that were then stolen while he was on vacation. One book had his name bleached from the front page but it was hard to see in the case. It was hilarious to learn about him and his nuttiness. He was under house arrest for predicting the Queen’s horoscope. We also saw an old copy of Gray’s Anatomy. They had some anatomy tables from 16^th century Padua on display. It featured the nerves of a human body all laid out flat on a board. It was tough to imagine it being 100% correct. It looked funny.

Lunch was not until 1pm and it was barely 11am, the Royal College of Physicians took no time. We walked through Regent’s Park and saw some nice gardens and more baby ducks with their territorial parents. A clueless mallard had been chased away and later tried to eat grass from the river bank right behind the nest. I had not planned this day very well. I had forgotten to put on sunscreen and now I felt like the sun was frying me.

We walked over to Selfridge’s department store on Oxford Street. At first I barely recognized it from the show. Until we got to the main entrance, I recognized the vestibule and the front doors. Inside however was unrecognizable and modern, it was like any other high-end department store. I overheard at the perfume counter that one perfume was £850. My jaw dropped. We went to the Foodhall in search of a quick bite as we had not had a real breakfast. First we walked around looking at everything. It was incredible how big just the food section of the store was. They had fish, cheese and meat counters even. There were two bakeries and a restaurant called the Brass Rail. The second half of the food section had fancy chocolates and macarons and a health food section. We ventured too far and ended up in stationery. I was on the lookout for anything branded to bring home as souvenirs. There were Foodhall tote bags but they were so expensive, £5 each! For a reusable tote bag!

At the bakery we ordered a sticky toffee dessert and a peanut butter chocolate-covered Oreo. Looking around, we had nowhere to sit and eat it. We walked over to the restaurant. The plan was I would order a coffee and then we’d sit and eat. Somehow it turned into Brent ordering a Reuben sandwich (called hot salt beef, so gross) and I ordered a Lunetta Prosecco. This was partly because I had seen a lot of places advertising Prosecco cocktails, it seemed to be the thing to drink before noon. This sandwich was the best Reuben I had ever tasted, it was warmed up! And it was not too salty either.

After that we wandered through the other levels of the store, gawking at ugly and expensive things and playing “guess how much it costs.” I found some awesome pineapple print pyjamas, alas they were £110. Way too much for pair of jammies. I found a hilarious series of books called the Ladybird Guide To. Some of the topics included Hipsters, Dating and Sheds. I was really tempted to buy them but £7 seemed a bit steep for a joke book. Even after all of this we still had some time to kill.

We walked down the street to where Google Maps said there was an H&M. I still had not given up hope on my palm tree printed shirt.  Alas, there was no sign of it. We walked over to the Connaught Hotel for lunch at the Hélène Darroz restaurant, which had two Michelin stars. Outside I changed into my heels. As soon as we were seated we were offered a glass of champagne, before we had even ordered water or seen the menus. I was ok, I had just had a glass of Prosecco. For the menu we had two options: prix fixe 3 course which came with wine pairings and a bottle of water or the option to choose 3/5/7 courses via marbles on a board (you left the marbles with the menu items you wanted on the board, the rejected ones went in a moat around the edge- it was all very weird). The a la carte items were not individually priced and we had already ordered a bottle of water, so it made sense to do the prix fixe menu, it seemed relatively cheap given it included wine. For each course there was a choice between two items, so we each chose a different one, maximizing the amount of food we would get to try.

The hotel was located downtown and was busy, and the service was fast and efficient. The first amouse bouche consisted of a weird bread and freshly sliced (table-side) ham, smoked mackerel in a cracker cone (it was amazing) and a weird gazpacho that we first had to let steep while we ate everything else. It tasted like salad dressing, not helping matters was the fact that once steeped we had to pour it over chopped garlic and down it like a shot. For my appetizer I went with the “summer minestrone,” as it sounded delightful and better than salad. I should have been wary of something in quotes. There were vegetables, a green sauce and shavings of parmiggiano cheese. I barely got through it.

The main dish won it back. The veal shortbreads were delicious but the real knock-out was the cod that Brent had ordered. It just melted in the mouth and was so delicious. The dessert was a chocolate mousse atop some vanilla cream and kumquat jam all nestled on top of a cookie. It was nice to have a selection of wines to go with each dish. At first I felt ripped off, they had poured so little! Until I realized how wide the glass was. With the bill came two more little amouse bouche desserts, a lemon cream cookie and a heavy chocolate truffle. I was already so full. Before leaving we were still handed a wrapped mini-cake covered in chocolate. I was way too full to even think about eating it. It would have to wait until later.

We walked back to the hotel through Hyde Park. The weather was amazing, the sun was shining and it was quite warm out. We saw a hilarious dog having them time of his life in the park. His owner had just let him off the leash when he took off running and started sniffing people. She called him over and threatened to put him on the leash. He made sad-puppy eyes, she let him go off running again. And he made a beeline for some horse droppings and was about to roll in them, she was running after him across the grass in her heels. She was about ready to clip his leash when again, she thought better of it and let him run again. This time he ran over to a group of kids, grabbed their soccer ball and started playing keep away. She ran over, full of apologies, and chased down the dog, who thought this was a fun game and refused to give up the ball. It was hilarious and I wish I could have seen what had happened next. But it was getting really hot outside and I needed to go back to the hotel, change and rest my feet a little bit.

Back in the hotel I swapped out my purse for a lighter smaller one and left my sweater. Back to Hyde Park we went, our third time through, and taking another completely different route (that is how big this park is). Being less tired, I was now able to appreciate the beauty of the park a little bit more. The Victoria & Albert Museum was just south of the park. As we walked around the building to the main entrance it dawned on me just how big this building was. It was good that the admission was free, because there was no way we were going to finish it in one half day. We got the bottom floor and half of the first floor done before we had to leave because the museum was closing. The religious section of the museum was actually pretty interesting because they had old manuscripts. There was one that had been so well preserved that the pages had barely yellowed and the red inks were still vibrant. I was almost suspicious of it. There was another manuscript printed on vellum. We saw a book of hours that had ivory covers. We also saw some Rodin statues. We had to leave the museum at 5:30 instead of the usual 5:45 because there was set-up being done for an event. We decided we would come back the following day when the museum is open until 10pm.

Walking back towards Hyde Park we took a different route and I saw another H&M. This was my final chance at finding the shirt, alas I came up empty-handed and officially gave up. We split off at the top corner of the park near Marble Arch. Brent went back to the hotel while I headed off on my own for some shopping. I went to Primark which was a zoo. The line for the fitting room was so long that when I realized I had grabbed the wrong size I was not going to back in and wait again. I gave up. I slowly realized that Primark was not that great, finding good stuff there is a rarity (but when you do, it is very good). There were no London sweatshirts and I found no sandals or purses to my liking. I ended up only buying tealight candles and socks. While I was in there I heard someone say “7pm” and I looked at my clock and realized I had been in there for way too long. I was about to head back when I saw another store on the corner, Next. But I was too tired to really look around and I did not find anything.

It was a slow cautious walk back to the hotel, even though it was just a straightline- the road changed names three times though. I jaywalked and a little girl pointed at me, looked at her mom and raised her arms in protest, saying why can’t we go? I stopped at the corner store for some Cherry Coke because I was really dehydrated and the McDonald’s near the Primark was most likely a zoo.

Back in the hotel Brent was just getting ready to head out to Brew Dog to buy some beers. I snacked on a few Haribo alligator gummies and we went out. We took the subway there and I realized I was backtracking to where I had come from. Brew Dog was beer heaven, if you like beer. I found two ciders that seemed good, the third one was chai-flavoured, so gross sounding. I also found a Belgian lambic: Oud Beersel framboise. We stopped at McDonald’s to get a light dinner, we had walked by Cittie of York (another of my pubs) but there was no point going in there with our bags of bottles. To go with my chicken wrap I finally caved and ordered the Taste of America cheese bites. I figured I would be eating them in the hotel, therefore if they made me sick it wouldn’t be as bad. As we waited for our food we stared at this one kid. He was so high and acting so dumb. It was starting to annoy me, we had been waiting quite a while now for our food.

Back in the hotel there was no time for TV, as I had to catch up writing about the whole day in my notebook. I checked the H&M website for the palm tree shirt, even there it was sold out. There was no winning. My plan for the ciders and lambic was to start with the strongest and work my way to the weakest. Therefore I started with the lambic, clocking in at 5%. It was delicious and slightly sour. The cheese bites were ok. I sat there cursing the hot room, why was the air conditioning not working? Turns out I had forgotten to turn it on. As I was half-asleep and half-waking-up I imagined seeing a black cat on the wall that all but briefly scared the bejeesus out of me. I was so tired from the long day of walking.

 

Cats, Cathedrals and Ciders: The South of England: Day 14

Wed. May 25, 2016:
London

We woke up early to get to Windsor Castle before it got overrun by the daily rush of tourists. As I drank my coffee I was flipping channels. It was unbelievable how many different shopping channels and shows there were and all on at the same time. Driving to Windsor Castle it was nice to have another new episode of Stuff You Should Know to listen to. Thanks to all the traffic we got to listen to the full episode. An 11 minute drive took us 36 minutes and took us through the town of Slough where The Office had been set.

I did not expect Windsor Castle to be smack in the middle of a town, with a McDonalds down the street no less. We were initially worried about finding parking but soon found a lot nearby. The trouble was that the lot was unattended and we had to pay at the machine, the machine that only took coins. The nearby change kiosk was not yet open. We went to the ice cream shop next door and paid for an ice cream cone with a £20 note and asked that the change be given in coins. Snickers ice cream in a waffle cone made for a good breakfast.

We had lucked out because on Wednesdays at 11am they have a changing of the guard at the castle. We still had an hour before that. Walking up to the entrance an orange and white cat crossed our path. He was so cute and friendly, when the lady in the gift shop called him he came running and jumped up onto the counter to snuggle her. I’ll admit, I was a bit jealous.

We walked down to see where the changing of the guard would take place and to scope out where we would stand.  We tried to visit the chapel which was near there but they were not yet ready for visitors. Back up the hill we went to the main part of the castle. Inside there was no photography allowed. At first I was mad, everything was so richly decorated and the crystal chandeliers and the dining room were indescribable. I soon saw the benefit of no photography, the crowd moved faster. I could only imagine the nightmare scenario of having to around people all trying to take photos. The self-guided audio tours alone were causing mini pockets of traffic. People would abruptly stop and we would nearly run into them. The royal collection included some Dutch and Flemish paintings. It also included a lot of guns and armour. It was awesome to see Princess Mary’s epically detailed dollhouse. I would have been too afraid to actually play with it, lest I break something. It was giant, taking up almost a whole room. There was also an exhibit of Shakespeare works and related books from the Royal Library Collection. It was not as interesting as the Bodleian Library exhibit.

We had finished the main castle exhibits and tour just in time to walk down and watch the changing of the guard. It got boring very quickly. People marching stiffly and shouting stuff while moving their guns around. It was very precise and orchestrated but I had no idea what was going on. I was amused by the one guy who was shorter than the rest, throwing off the balance of the group as a whole. We kept waiting for something interesting to happen but it was the same thing over and over again, march, stand face to face, shift gun, shout gibberish, salute, walk back and forth a bunch of times. Sometimes a commercial plane would fly by overhead, we were near the airport I think.

I had seen enough. We went into St. George’s Chapel, reasoning that we were close enough that if anything interesting did happen we could just run back outside. The interior of the chapel was gorgeous. We saw the tombs of a few King George’s, I think it was III, IV and VII, maybe more I am not sure. We finished just before noon.

We stopped at McDonald’s for a quick lunch. They had self-serve kiosks, and I was finally able to order curry dip with my chicken nuggets. The new American burger in their Taste of America line-up was out. I stole a bite of the TexMex, the tortilla chip was not soggy and had crunch to it and the cheese actually tasted like something. It was actually better than I had expected. On the way to the car I noticed a souvenir shop that had cute little decorative mugs that featured iconic images of London- the perfect souvenirs for everyone back home! We also stopped at the WHSmith because Brent had seen a gummy mix that featured phone booths and hats and while there we also got a bottle of Irn Bru.

It was an easy drive back to the airport to return the car, despite the GPS trying to lead us in the wrong direction. Thankfully by that point there were signs and we recognized where we were. It was easy to find the subway entrance and just as easy to switch lines. The subway at first glanced seemed confusing but really was not at all. The subways also, much to my amusement, run on the left side. Our room at the Corus Hyde Park hotel had two separate beds and the world’s tiniest bathroom, it really had to have been a broom closet in a past life. There was only one light switch and all the door jambs were loose so I could not open drinks on them. I assumed that it was from previous uses of the door jambs as openers.

The rest of our day was going to involve a lot of walking, so we took the subway to the Museum of London. We took a different subway line this time, closer to our hotel. It was awesome because it was one of the older lines and was built much deeper underground. On the platform there was a sign that the station, Lancaster Gate, was a historic site.

The museum was easy to find, we just followed the signs. The museum also had its name written in giant letters on the side of the building. My main goal in the museum was to see the art deco elevators from the original Selfridge’s department store. Along the way we also saw stuff that had been found in the Thames River and during various construction projects. We learned about the Romans who lived in the area a long time ago. The elevator was everything I had hoped for and I gasped a little when I saw it.

The plan after the museum was to walk around London and look at various buildings and stop in at a pub for dinner. We were not yet hungry, so at the pub we would just have a pint for now. On the way to The Ship Tavern we passed the Seven Stars pub. I recognized it from my list of pubs to go to, and we went there instead. It was a small cozy pub full of locals and two tourists from Texas who had “never seen snow.” We settled in and watched them talk to the locals, it was both amusing and cringe-worthy. The French drink I had, Cidre Breton was wacky and unusual. As we sat and drank I pondered why our maps were leading us to Ship Tavern, I had not mapped it. I slowly realized that Brent had mapped the route to all the pubs I had chosen. My plan had been to go to the first one, if it was busy then move on to the next. They were all within a few blocks of each other. The Ship Tavern had been near the bottom of the list so I did not recognize the name at first. As we looked at the map we realized we had just missed the Old Bank of England pub by a block, and we were heading back that way anyways. What’s another half pint?

It was well worth it to go to a second pub. The interior of the Old Bank was very art deco and the bar was right in the middle like an island, with repeating sets of taps at all four corners. Everything was gilded with gold and upholstered in leather and made of wood. At first we were worried there would be a dress code but inside there was a mix of business people and tourists. The Cornish Orchard Cider was sour but also tasted like juice.

Walking to the Tower of London I saw the iconic bridge off in the distance and I mistakenly identified it as the London Bridge. As we got closer I realized it was the Tower Bridge. Because we had finished the Museum of London, our Sunday plans were now free again. We decided we could check out the Tower of London museum then (it was closed now). We walked along the river back towards the centre, keeping an eye out for the London Bridge. The first bridge was ugly and plain, but across the river beside it was the London Bridge Hospital. No way could this be the London Bridge I thought, it was so blah! Surely it was the next one, which was much prettier. Nope, that was the Southwark Bridge. I repeated this again, and it was the Blackfriar’s Bridge.

We crossed over the Thames via the pedestrian Millennium Bridge. There we looked at Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre which had been rebuilt in 1997. I assumed the seats inside were uncomfy as I saw a guy heading in with a bag of seat cushions. The London Eye was way overpriced and crawling with tourists. Plus the weather was cloudy and overcast, the view would have been terrible. We did have a nice view of St. Paul’s Cathedral across the river. We stopped at an ice cream truck, it was time to get a soft serve (aka Mr. Whippie- I did not have the guts to call it that when ordering) with a Flake chocolate in it.

From the Southbank Bridge we had a view across the River Thames of Parliament, this was the closest to the view that JMW Turner would have had as he painted it while it burned. We crossed over the next bridge because it would take us right to Parliament and Big Ben. There was a wedding photo shoot happening on the bridge, it was awkward to watch. The exteriors of Parliament and West Minister Abbey were both stunning and impressive but difficult to photograph. Our final stop on the walking tour of London was Buckingham Palace. We walked through a nice park to get there, where they had a sign about not being mean to the geese and ducks that made me chuckle (I had once heard that all the geese in England belong to the Queen). We circled the roundabout in front of the Palace and gawked at the golden fancy gates.

We walked through a park diagonally to get to the much larger Hyde Park. It took us over half an hour to walk through Hyde Park, passing by Kensington Gardens. At this point my feet were killing me, every step was agony. We saw two herons by the lake and a lot of runners. I was way too tired to go to a pub for dinner. Instead we went to the corner store and got snacks: Cherry Coke, a Double-decker chocolate bar, white chocolate Lion bar and Tangy Cheese Doritos. The Monster Munch was terrible, like a slightly spicy cheesie that was barely edible. My legs were so dead. We had walked for over six hours, all I could do now was sit, snack and watch TV.